Paranoid (A Harry Styles Fanfic)

Alive

*Harry's POV*

I stared into Glenn's eyes, eyes filled with determination, while a million thoughts swirled through my mind. What could he have meant by "this is not the end" ? I came up with countless things to reply, but the words wouldn't come.  I was so confused, I was so tired, and so not in the mood to hear an old mans blabbering. But there was something there. Part of me wanted to charge out of the restaurant and never look back. But I knew, somewhere deep down inside of me, that this was something more than just words of encouragement. If you could even call it that. These were words of hope. As I was thinking all of this through, attempting to sort out what was true and what I wanted to believe, Glenn spoke again. 

"You have to listen to me Harry," he took a short pause. "There are many people in this world. There are good people, there are bad people,and then there is evil. These people are considered more monster than human. Murderers, rapist, serial killers. These are cruel, horrible, people who should never see the light of day. They enjoy other peoples pain and live to cause destruction. They will do anything to see you hurt. But somewhere, among  the bad and the evil, there are the genuinely good people. The strong, brave ones who chose to see light in the darkest of times. You are one of these people."

I sat back in my chair, more stunned than I already was. All of this made sense. It was all true and full of wisdom. In fact, if Glenn was talking to someone who maybe had a better mental state than I did at the time, they might've been truly inspired. But what did it have to do with me? Why did I need to know the difference between light and dark when I wasn't even sure where I fell on the scale anymore?

Glenn then leaned in close, as if to make sure no one knew what he was about to say, and then whispered. "I know you're confused, and wondering what all of this has to do with you. But trust me when I say that now has come the time for you to be brave. It is imperative, Harry, that you pay attention. There are things there that you have yet to see. Things that might seem small. But they are there. If one only chooses to open their eyes and look closer." 

At this point my mind was so full of thoughts and emotions that I could barely see straight. I was more confused than I thought possible, and it didn't help that I was on the brink of mental exhaustion. We sat there for what seemed like years without speaking.  Glenn opened his mouth as if to say more, but I was already walking toward the door. I had heard enough and the last thing I needed was a rambling old man putting strange ideas in my head when I could barely think as it is. 

No longer in the mood to run I walked all the way home, the cold wind crashing against my face wiping away the tears that now began gently falling from my eyes. Although i felt like sobbing again there were not any tears left to come, and after 3 drops they had dried completely. I had been crying non-stop for days and I didn't know if I would be able to ever again. I didn't know if I was going to be able to do anything ever again. The thought of offing myself had crossed my mind many times the past few days, but she wouldn't want that, and I no longer knew if I would have the strength to go in the same way that had claimed my mother and now the love of my life.  

I finally reached the door to my apartment, physically and emotionally drained. I pushed through the entrance and fell onto the couch lost in my own mind. My eyes scanned across the room and fell onto a folded peice of notebook paper perched on the end of an in table. The police men dropped it off a few days ago after discovering it in Sawyer's car. It was a note explaining why. Why she had decided to leave me. What made her think life wasn't worth living anymore. A note confirming Sawyer's case as a suicide.  I hadn't had the strength to read it. Knowing that after I did, I might be sadder than I was before. But at that moment, I felt something different. A want, an aching, to know what it was that made her leave and never come back. At that moment, I needed to know.