Dangerous Women.

chapter 11.

My mom and my friends and i decided a girls night was well needed. The girls loved chilling with my mom, because she always gave us the best advice. She was like a mom to all of us.

We all huddled up into a circle on the floor in front of the t.v. sitting Indian style. Our hair up in messy buns, our faces set free of all the heavy makeup, clothed in our best sweat pants and hoodies. We all grabbed our orders from the chines restaurant watching raven flip trough the channels.

"Come on raven! I really don't want to watch a t.v. show about pregnant teens." Octavia whined.

"Well then go to your room and sleep, because im not missing this episode." She replied before stuffing her face with general toss chicken. My mom chuckled at the two while playing with the food on her plait.

"Theres nothing on t.v. anyway." I say laying my back to the foot rest of the couch. 

"So how's work going?" Octavia asked my mom.

"Really good actually, thank you for asking." She replied.

"How marcus?" I ask. Marcus was a guy she was seeing. At first i really didn't like the idea, but my mom is always so supportive of me. She deserves to be happy.

"Hes fine." She replied while still playing with her food.

"You sure?" I ask seeing the look on her face. I knew she was hiding something. At first i thought he was injured on work. He works for the FBI. He trained bellamy for the police Academy.

She doesn't reply yet. Raven mutes the t.v. and drops the remote control.

"Okay mrs griffin. Drop the shit, what's up." Raven saids. I sit quiet watching her sigh. I leand Foward more concerned.

"I didn't know how to tell you this. And you know i Hate keeping things from you." My mother looks into my eyes and i knew it was really bothering her.

"Mom  you can tel me anything." I nod assuring her. She smiles weakly.

"He asked me to marry him." I raised my eyebrows kind of tooken back. I lean a little Taking a full look at her.

"Oh shit, abby that's great!" Octavia saids leaning next to her and side hugging her. She smiles and thanks her.

"Tell her how happy you are for her clarke." Raven saids to me, and i know that was reallt raven saying, 'your mom puts up with  your shit, so put up with hers.'

I shake my head snapping out of my thoughts. I smile to her and place my hand on her knee.

"Im happy for you mom. Really."

"Thank you." She replied. I stand to my feet and grab my cigarettes before walking over to the balcony.

"I need some air." I whispered and i can feel everything getting tense.

"Clarke." My mom saids behind me.

"I'm fine, just need air." I say before walking out and closing the Glass sliding door.

I light the cigarette in between my lips and inhale the toxic smoke.

With every puff i took i thought of my father.

He was my world. My rock. He really did mean everything to me, and my mother. I thought that maybe if he wouldn't have gotten shot..maybe he would have come to terms with my sexuality.
Maybe things would have worked out for the better.

I miss him so much. I miss sneaking in the kitchen late at night and watching him make us late night snacks of things my mom would never allow me to eat. I miss how we would "ssh." Each other so she wouldn't get up, yet both of us knew she knew what was going on. I miss him teaching me how to play basketball and baseball. I miss him teaching me how to fight and stand up for myself. I miss how he would stick up for me when my mom and i would argue. I miss going to father daughter dances, and laughing at all the other dads who didn't know how to 'bust a move.' As he said. I missed how every time he would teach me how to drive he would turn every color in the book because he was afraid i would kill us. I giggled thinking about that. I miss how he smiled when i got my report card because he was proud of me. I miss how he would take me camping and teach me how to pitch tents and make a fire, and hunt. I laugh to myself when I think of the day I almost caught us on fire. We was so mad at me, yet i knew he was just worried i would get hurt. I miss our talks on life and how he said walking me down the aisle was a dream of his. A dream that now will never happen.