Damatte Iru (Voltron Fanfic)

Hikikomori Mode

"Stop being such a hikikomori Akira."

Except, Keith couldn't help himself. Seeking out isolation like he did seemed like the only way to keep the negative feelings he felt from overwhelming him, as he could block out the outside simulants from adding to the emotional stress he felt. He sat in his room, his knees folded up so his chin could rest on the arms stretched across, and he stared at the other wall of the small nook. On the floor sat a trey of uneaten food. He'd lost a bit of muscle tone due to inactivity over the last few days, but honestly didn't care.

Shiro was gone, so why should he care?

The door to his room swished open, yet he paid the person no mind. They stepped over, touching his far shoulder before jamming their fingers into his ribs, making him jump and pull away, coming back to reality faster than he wanted, which was at all. His head turned, glaring at the female who glared back. "Allura, don't do that!"

"If you don't want me doing that, then perhaps you should eat?" The female narrowed her crystal blue eyes. Keith of course stared, as if her words went over her head. Letting out a sigh, she pulled away slightly. "I wouldn't have to poke you in the ribs to see how much they're sticking out now, if you would actually eat, and gain back some of that weight you've lost over the last week or so. You can't stay in here forever, you know."

"Yes, I can."

"I'm not letting you." Allura reached out to grab his arm, tugging lightly. He batted her arm away lightly, only for her to persist, and he followed after like a compliant dog. She held onto his arm, guiding him out of the room. "You know, if I'd know I could have just done this, I would have done so already."

"Whatever."

She led him to the showers, pushing him slightly. "You stink. Don't come out until you've stopped smelling please."

Keith sighed, heading in. The warm water felt good, but unfortunately brought him closer to the reality of Shiro not existing, but also trying to figure out what was real. He'd remained unaware of the events that transpired, and simply knew from what Allura told him that Shiro had disappeared, and they were now looking for him. There was also plenty he didn't want to remember, that he blocked off in the back of his head. He spent a good time under the shower, letting the hot water wrinkle his toes and fingers.

When he got out, Keith found Allura waiting for him, leaning up against the wall next to the door. "So, I saw to it that your room has fresh sheets, and that the trey of food was taken to the galley."

He looked at her, his mind numb, before turning away. The princess, however, grabbed his arm. He turned his head, tilting it slightly to see that she was glaring at him again. "Um. Thank you."

Instead, Allura sighed. "Come with me."

"No."

"It's an order. Or are you going to act insubordinate simply because..." Allura looked at the ground, her mouth pushing together while his mind drifted to thoughts of his previous insubordination problems. Keith wanted to pull away. "Sorry."

"For what?"

"I want to treat you as an equal. But to do that, I need you to let me help you even though you don't want to be helped."

Keith's eyes blinked, his breath drawing in, unsure of what to think. He did, however, hold out his arm so she could grab onto the sleeve of his jacket and tug him to wherever she wanted to take him. The place in question was the mess hall, where the other three paladins were waiting along with Coran, a strange alien with multiple legs named Slav, and a Galra named Kolivan. The red paladin froze upon seeing the Galra, and ducked slightly behind Allura.

Kolivan looked up, clearly noticing his reaction, before turning to the other paladins. "So, you three are looking forward to returning to Earth for what you Earthling's call summer vacation."

"Vacation..." Keith's eyes clamped shut, his emotions starting to stir, angry that they weren't looking for Shiro.

Allura turned, whispering into his ear, her breath softly tickling his ear. "Keith, we can't look for Shiro while you're like this. So, you're going on what I believe is called leave. Plus, this gives me and Coran time to establish diplomatic relationships with the people of Earth. I told you once that there are other duties."

Keith's head simply hung down, as Allura led him into the room to a chair. He sat down, not looking anyone in the eye. The other three paladins had taken notice that Keith was in the room, and looked at him as if he were some kind of injured animal, before rather shakily returning to the conversation. Lance spoke up. "Yeah, well, I'm looking forward to seeing my family, and spending some time on the beach."

"I'm looking forward to doing the hula. That's a native dance where I come from."

"Me? Well, I wouldn't blame my mom for not speaking to me, all the trouble I've put her through. I've still not brought back Matt and dad. I think she'd be much more receptive if I had."

Keith slid down, not liking the talk of family. Family was...

... complicated.

He continued to sink back into himself, not wanting to go on a summer vacation. Sure, said vacation was a dream come true for his friends – which in a way it surprised him that he could now call anyone a friend when he once couldn't, but for him it was a complete nightmare. Right now, he didn't even want to interact with people, and vacations meant definitely interacting with people, where as being a hikikomori meant no social interaction, and that he could retreat into a safe zone.

Thus he shut everything out at that point, ignoring the rest of the conversation going on around him, as retreating back to his room wasn't an option.