Damatte Iru (Voltron Fanfic)

Spinning in Space

Everyone was hurting.

Allura felt her chest tighten, knowing how much Shiro held the group together. It tightened even more upon seeing the blank look on Keith's face, but also finding herself unable to reach out and touch him. Despite gaining the knowledge that he was part Galra, there was still so much she didn't know about the red paladin. He remained an enigma, and as such she didn't know how to fix a pain she didn't even know or understand. Keith's relationship with Shiro, after all, was also an enigma.

The only thing she could do at that moment, was to walk away, leaving Keith there to deal with his grief in the way which best suited him, just like everyone else. She didn't realize then that this was a mistake. Instead, she went to the waiting area of the ship where Kolivan waited for her to return. The leader of the blade stood there, waiting for some kind of information, and yet she found herself relating to him, a Galra of all people.

"I'm sorry for your loss. Antok I mean."

Kolivan simply stared, emotionless. "How is the black paladin?"

Allura took a deep breath, looking down at the ground. "He's missing. He wasn't in the black lion, and we have no explanation for it. Coran is looking into it though, and I guess Pidge will be helping him."

"And what about the red paladin?"

"Keith?" Allura's head darted up, her eyes widening. "I don't know."

"Shiro..."

For some strange reason in the back of her head she heard Keith's voice, faint in tone, but filled with pain. She brushed it aside, her eyes blinking, trying to think of something else. Her mind flickered to the end of the fight, where Antok died. "Actually, regarding Haggar. Did you notice..."

"I'm not sure I want to answer your question." The comment was blunt, and to the point. Allura glanced up, only to look back down, squirming under his gaze.

"If this has to do with my not trusting you, I'm sorry for the way I treated you two." She startled, watching Kolivan simply stand there, as she struggled to read the man. She swallowed. "What?"

"I'm not the one who should be apologizing to. Your distrust in us was warranted, but your distrust in..."

"I already apologized to him!" Allura felt a bit of anger well up, not just at Kolivan, but herself as the bitter feeling of having turned her back on Keith, even so briefly, welled up. "And didn't you say something about not ordering someone as inexperienced as him to go on said mission? You didn't trust him either."

"A didn't trust a child I just met, who came into our order with one of our blades. You, on the other hand knew him as an ally, and had no reason to mistrust him."

"It's complicated." The princess tried not making eye contact, not wanting to go into her personal feelings regarding Keith.

"Shiro, where are you?"

The red paladin's voice echoed in her head again, his panic seeming to grow. Kolivan, however, avoided her line of questioning, yet she didn't know how to come right out and say what she wanted to, let alone if she even wanted to know. She swallowed, wondering if she should just go and see if Keith was okay. What happened bothered her, and it seemed the leader of Marmora had the answers. The simplest path was to simply put forth, "you didn't answer my question. You know, regarding Haggar."

Kolivan looked at her, his mouth as silent as his organization.

"She was Altean."

"Shiro, come back. Give him back. Give me back my..."

The red paladin's voice came again, and Allura's hand darted up. She took a deep breath, his pain suddenly making her head hurt. Her breath drew deeply. "Never mind. I need to check on Keith. My question can wait."

She turned then, heading back to the black lion's hanger, where she left Keith standing in the cockpit when everyone else had left. In her head, she felt his emotions and saw his thoughts, vibrant now, almost in the same manner she saw the thoughts of the mice. The red paladin now sat collapsed to his knees on the ground, his thin body shaking as he stared at the lion, his emotions rushing out as hot tears streamed down his cheeks. Out of his mouth came a silent scream, a barely audible sound as his fingers twisted into his hair.

The emotions which bounced at her were overwhelming, uncontrolled, and yet Allura knew that the emotions and words, the call out for help wasn't aimed at her. It was aimed at Shiro, but also the black lion. She could feel the empty hole Shiro, but also the anger caused by the black lion, and something else she couldn't place her finger on. Keith's feelings and emotions were a cacophony intruding upon her own psyche, yet she couldn't place how he'd manage to send her his own thoughts.

Allura moved to stand in front of him, kneeling down in front of him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, gently pulling him towards her so their foreheads touched. Her crystal blue eyes closed, pushing forth positive emotions. She could feel his entire body shake under her touch, silent sobs wracking his body, but also how he wasn't there. Keith was elsewhere, lost in his own mind, struggling to take in Shiro's disappearance.

He continued to try to "call out", mentally exhausting himself in his confusion, making Allura herself confused. Her presence eventually began to sooth him, drawing him into a deep sleep, his thin body still shaking. She looked up, finally realizing that Kolivan was still there. The Galra crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing, while her mind tried to figure out what to do.

After a few minutes, he spoke up, his words blunt and to the point, although a bit out of the field of what she expected. "You need to apologize to him."

"I told you, I already did."

"Not for mind melding with him without his permission."

Allura started, Keith's body resting against her shoulder, the emotions still pouring off him, though slowly calming to a numbness. "What..."