DEFY series: Behind the Scenes

Deleted Scene (with Marcel and Alexa)

This is from the beginning of the book. It was cut to help keep the pacing up, which I agreed was the right thing to do. But it is a tender scene between Alexa and Marcel, and one that I think sheds even a little bit more light on their relationship. Hope you enjoy!

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I sat huddled on a log, chilled even though the heat of the humid day still clung to the limp breeze that tugged at my newly shorn hair. I reached up self-consciously, rubbing the back of my neck. Tears burned painfully close to the surface, but I couldn’t let them out.

“Here you go, Alex,” Marcel said as he took a seat next to me. He held out a plate with some sort of hot, mashed up plantain concoction, one slice of mango, and a hard roll next to it. “Army rations.” He shrugged and bit into his roll. “At least it’s hot.”

I stared at my twin, at the amazing nonchalance he pulled off so effortlessly.  How could he act like that, as if this was some great adventure we’d embarked on? Instead of a desperate decision made moments before the army showed up to collect the orphans after the raid on our village. The one they were too late to stop.

“You need to eat,” Marcel said, softer this time, nudging me with his elbow. “You look too much like a girl.”

“That’s because I am a girl,” I growled, my voice low. I stared into his hazel eyes and noticed that they were bloodshot. He nodded encouragingly at my plate, and I forced myself to take a bite of the plantains. They were almost tasteless, but helped ease the ache in my belly that I hadn’t even noticed until then. Before I knew it, I’d eaten everything on my plate.

A whistle sounded in the distance, and all around us men began to stand, tossing dirt on the fires, stomping them out. They seemed in a hurry to get to bed. Within minutes, almost everyone had retired to their tents.

Marcel stood next to me, watching the organized chaos of the army camp. We were close to the same height, but he’d started passing me up in the last six months, and my shoulder was just barely below his now.

The sun had long since dipped behind the foliage surrounding us, sending shadows sliding along the camp. In the distance a flock of macaws took flight, their feathers a splash of vibrant color against the falling darkness. We’d marched all day, straight in to the jungle, heading for Tubatse, the capitol city of Antion. We’d heard rumors that once we reached the capitol, they’d hold fighting competitions to decide where to place all the new recruits in the army. If Marcel’s new friend Rylan was to be believed, the best fighters would be placed at the palace and have a chance to train for a position on the personal guard for the prince, or even the king. And I was very good at fighting. Maybe if I could work my way into a position guarding one of the royal family, I would be able to do something to put a stop to this war.

Before the entire country of Antion became a nation of orphans and soldiers.

I followed Marcel in to the tent we’d been given to share. We each had a thin, gray bed roll to sleep on and a thin, gray blanket. No pillows. No kiss goodnight from Mama. No murmur of our parents’ voices over the crackle and hiss of the fire in our hearth as I drifted off to sleep.

Instead, I lay across from Marcel, my chest so tight, it felt like someone had reached in, past my ribcage, and gripped my heart in an iron-tight fist.

The tears I’d worked to hold in all day finally leaked out, dripping across the bridge of my nose, down my temple, to pool in my hairline. I squeezed my eyes shut, against the tears, the pain, the loss and grief that consumed me. Mama and Papa were gone, our home was gone, even Alexa was gone. For the rest of my life I had to pretend to be Alex.

“Don’t cry, Alexa,” Marcel’s whisper was my undoing. My whole body convulsed with sobs. I buried my head in my blanket, trying to smother the sounds of my crying. I felt him scoot up next to me, and put his arms around me, pulling me close. “Sshh.” He stroked the hair—my short, ugly hair—back from my face. He was all I had left. My twin, my other half. We’d grown up training side by side, as if I’d been born a boy. But I never thought I’d have to pretend like I was one.

“It’s better this way, you know that, right?”

I nodded, taking a deep breath of air, forcing myself to choke the tears back.

“I couldn’t let them take you to one of the breeding houses.”

I pulled back a bit, reached up to wipe the tears off of my face and let my hand trail to the side, forcing myself to touch my short hair. “I know. I’m glad you thought of this. I’ll be okay. I just have to get used to it.”

Marcel scooted back over onto his own bedroll, but he still reached out, taking one of my hands in his. I squeezed it tightly, then let go. “If someone walked in and saw you holding my hand, we’d never hear the end of it.”

I could see the guilt and pain on his face as he pulled his hand back and yanked his blanket up over his shoulders.

“We’re going to be okay,” I said, trying to convince myself as much as anything. “If your new friend Rylan is right, we’ll have the chance to prove how good we are. We’ll beat everyone and be in the personal guard for the king before you know it.”

“I never thought I’d say this, but now I’m glad you trained with me,” Marcel said.

“Me, too.”

We were silent for a minute, until Marcel’s breathing grew steady and deep. I rolled onto my back and stared at the canvas ceiling above me. I was going to Tubatse. If Mama knew we were going there now, after all the effort they’d made to live as far away from there as possible—away from the king’s grasp, from his army and breeding houses—what would she think?

It didn’t matter. She was gone.

It was just me and Marcel now.

Outside our tent, a howler monkey screeched, somewhere above us in the trees. I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders and scooted a little bit closer to Marcel. At least I still had my twin by my side.