Chapter 17: Regrets 「Yumi」

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Chapter 17: Regrets Yumi

My time spent with Chie was amazing. Not for the sex, but the love she gave me. I felt I was on top of the world once again, but it came crumbling down one day.

"I don't think I'm in love with you anymore." Her cold words stabbed me deeply, but I responded calmly.

"Oh. Well I can't change what you feel, but I'm sorry if I did anything." I wanted to cry texting this to her.

"Ah I'm sorry." She replied.

I didn't know the exact words to say to her. I wanted to beg her to stay by my side, but that would make me look desperate, and not desirable. I felt tears fall down my face. The warm liquid filled my palms as I wiped my eyes.

At night I tossed and turned like the day Rin left. I hated this feeling. Why did she do this to me? I put our pictures away. I stayed away from my laptop, avoiding her pictures. I stored away her gifts. I did anything to not remind me that she used to be my girlfriend.

My days grew long and weary. I felt I lost everything, and this time I didn't have someone to save me. I curled up in my bed feeling signs of lost hope. I held back tears. I will be a man. I will be someone better. I will be more confident. I screamed in my head. She doesn't love me because I am a girl! She needs a guy! I scratched my skin roughly trying to numb my pain. I lit up cigarettes to relaxed my tensed body. I drank alcohol until I forgot everything.

I felt so much pain. So much regrets. Did I waste my time on her? No I didn't! I love her too much to regret. I texted her constantly knowing I looked desperate. I wrote so much to her letting her know how much I cared. How I wanted chances. I knew no matter how much I begged her, nothing will change. She needs a guy. A normal family. And being who I am could never give her happiness. I cried that night until I ran out of tears. I hated myself. I hated what I am. I hated how my words can no longer reach her. I hated this.

To Be Continued

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