Distraction

•Hold me•

(Listen to song above while reading ✨)

After my break down in school Stretch and I went to his house. No words were spoken, just a tense silence. I was sitting against one of his walls and him being close.

I didn't know what to say . Usually when I get like this he will bring me to his house and ask me about is it about , but I'll never tell him and we end up arguing about my past.

He felt as though I should tell him and I agree with him. He wants to know what happened.....What happened that made me feel so scared and alone. I've been waiting for the right time to tell me but it never is.

How do you tell someone that you been hurt so bad

I can't just come out and say it. Lord knows I want to but every time I get ready to , I get choked up and never do.

I'm not ready to tell anyone and I don't know when I will. I'm trying to heal but I feel like I'm only hurting myself more.

I know everyone needs a shoulder to cry on and that's Stretch for me but he doesn't know why I'm crying. I know he thinks I don't trust him enough to tell him but I really can't. He's gonna judge me. Take pity on me.

I don't want pity . I don't want people to feel bad for me and treat me like a glass cup that no one wants to even touch, too afraid that it will break.

I don't need that. I need someone that doesn't take my misfortune for a chance to treat me like a child. I need someone will say 'ya you've been through some shit but so have I and I'm gonna help you heal and you help me heal'

I mean! I sound stupid now

Of course Stretch is the perfect guy for me

I mean I loved him since I was twelve. He's my first boyfriend. He's everything I ever knew. I can't start new with someone else and try to open myself back up. Yeah I keep my deep dark secret from Stretch but that's only because I'm not ready yet.

"What's wrong Blue? And don't give me that ' I don't want to talk about it' bullshit." I looked at him and smiled

Oh I love this man and it breaks my heart that he might not love me anymore. Yeah I know he got love for me but not inlove with me.  I know this because not only he cheats but I'm all he ever known. Relationship wise I'm his first and only boyfriend. Same with me but I feel like I'm pulling him at him. I'm really not ready for a relationship, I never was.  We just don't fit anymore

"Blue....baby I need you to talk to me. Let me in" I shook my head, turning away from him

I heard moving and felt my back being pushed into his chest. I felt my body tense and I couldn't help it. I jumped up from the floor, "Don't touch me!"

Third Person

Stretch looks at his boyfriend with widen eyes , slowly getting up and took small steps towards Blue , "B-Blue. It's okay"