The Best Of Me

Chapter 9

      Brantley

 I sat at a bar in Nashville with a drink in front of me. I wanted to drink away her memory and if I couldn't forget then I wanted to drink until I didn't care. Every couple weeks I'd been going back home and even though it never completely stopped hurting it did get easier. Until last week. When I walked into the house I could tell something was off but I was distracted. It wasn't until three days later that I was at a red light and I looked over and saw her. She was with him and she was laughing at something he said. Before she had a chance to look over and see me I took off. Suddenly the whispers and stares made sense. No one knew how to tell me that Amber was back in town. Maybe they were hoping I wouldn't run into her. Later that day I was putting gas in my bike and she pulled up right next to me in her nice new car. We talked for a minute about our lives and I heard myself asking her if she wanted to go for a ride and she said yes.

We drove around for hours and it felt like old times. We stopped at a few of our old spots and we reminisced for awhile. We talked and laughed as if there weren't a million worlds between us. For just the faintest moment it was almost as if we had never been apart and even though I knew it wouldn't last it felt good to be around her again. When I drooped her back off at her car she turned her phone back on and said goodbye. And no one in town hadn't heard that Brantley and Amber had spent the day together.

Over the next couple days we ran into each other quite a few times. Her husband had gone back home to wherever they lived and she was staying a few extra days before going back. We hung out with some of our old friends at some of our old places and I had to keep reminding myself it wasn't like old times. Amber was a married woman and no matter how much I wanted her she no longer belonged to me. She told me it was nice to see me doing well and sober and she hoped I'd keep it up. Then she told me she missed me and right before she left she leaned in to kiss me. Her lips tasted just as I remembered them and she smelled so good I wanted this moment to last forever. Then I remembered that this was wrong and pulled away and just as fast as she was there she was gone. And she had taken what was left of my heart with her.

The whole town was talking and most of what they were saying wasn't even close to the truth. I tried like hell to defend her and myself for two days after she left. The truth is my heart wasn't in it so I let them think whatever they wanted. I went back to my mom's house and packed up all my things. I was supposed to be there for another week but I couldn't stay. Not now. Maybe if I'd seen Amber happy with her husband it would help me move on. All I ever wanted was to see her happy anyway. But that's not what I'd seen. When I looked in her eyes I saw longing and regret but all I could think of was the husband she had at home.

When I told my mom and Kolby I was leaving early they were disappointed but understood. Then I told them I wouldn't be back for awhile and I hoped they'd visit me at Christmas. I drove until I ran out of gas then I filled up and drove some more. I got back to Nashville about an hour ago, dropped my things off at my place, and came straight here to this bar. I looked at the drink in front of me and I wondered if it was worth it. I got sober because Amber wanted me to but Amber was out of the picture. My mom would be disappointed if I took a sip but she was six hours away and wouldn't know anyway. I told myself I could have just one but I knew I was lying. One would turn to twenty and I'd wake up full of regret and longing for another. On the other hand if I got up right now and walked out of this bar I would have to go sleep in my empty bed craving her arms around me. I would dream about her sweet kiss and wake up longing for just one more. No matter the poison One would never be enough and I would always want one more.

The band wasn't too bad and for awhile I just held the glass in my hand. Knowing it was there if I needed it was enough to comfort me for now. Some girl asked me to dance and I told her I didn't dance. The band took a break and the ice in my glass melted. I pushed it back toward the bartender and asked for another. She didn't question my full glass she just dumped it and gave me a fresh one. I stirred the ice. Amber or the whiskey? When it came down to choosing one or the other one was here and would be anytime I needed it the other never would be again. I lifted the cold glass to my lips. The whiskey burned my throat but it felt so good. And with every drink I pushed her farther and farther away. I slammed the glass down and ordered another. For now Nashville was home I couldn't go back to Jefferson and face my family. I couldn't risk seeing the hurt and disappointment in their eyes.

My mom was going to cry if she found out. I never wanted to hurt her. I ordered another drink. I could already see the disappointment and fear in my brothers eyes. I drained my glass to the last drop. "Bartender give me a shot and make it a double" I saw the tears in Amber's eyes when she told me goodbye. I needed another shot. I took my two years sober coin out of my pocket and threw it across the room. I bought the girl next to me a drink. I was dancing with the girl who's name I couldn't remember. I couldn't even remember if I asked. Her name was not Amber. Another round for me and whats her name. Last call, make it a double and a beer to chase it all down.

I woke up with a pounding ass headache. I wasn't scheduled to be back to Nashville for a week so I had nowhere to be and no one waiting on me. The only way to get rid of this headache was to drink another so I rolled out of bed planning on running to the store and I realized there was a girl in my bed. I vaguely remembered dancing with her and I couldn't even try to pretend to know her name. Maybe she'd be gone when I got back from the store and if half of my shit was gone with her I deserved it and I didn't really care.

Of course she was still here. One more regret to add to my list. I threw her a beer if she was going to stay she might as well drink. She had one beer and left. I'm just glad I didn't have to kick her out. My phone rang and it was Kolby. I pulled myself together I couldn't let him suspect I was drinking. I wasn't so far gone that I didn't care what everyone thought. Not yet anyway but I would get there soon enough. "Hey I'm just calling to see how you're doing." "Thanks, bro. I'm good. I mean I could be better but I've been worse. Ya know?" "Yeah, Brantley just know if you ever need anything, anything at all I'm here for you bro. If you need an ear to cry into I got you. And if you need my by your side I'll be there as fast as my four wheels can fly." "I appreciate it. I'll let you know if I need you but for now I'm good" "Alright then I'll let you go" I hung up the phone feeling at an absolute low. I was lying to my brother. Another reason to drink. It all just kept piling up. I had more reason to drink than not to. I took a swig straight out of the bottle.

"Brantley hey are you okay?" I opened my eyes to see my manager standing over me. "Yeah man. I'm good just getting a little shut eye." "Whatever just clean yourself up you have a show tonight and if you miss it I'm done with you. Got it?" "Yep whatever you say. I'll be there." I couldn't remember what day it was or even where I was. I looked around and saw I was in my apartment but it was pretty bad. Bottles everywhere. I stepped over one every couple feet on my way to the shower. I just needed a shower and then maybe I'd feel better. I hadn't played a show since coming back to Nashville a few weeks ago and I was actually really looking forward to this one. I just hoped I didn't mess it up and ruin my career. 

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