Seven Years (Johnlock!!)

- John -

We had been on the case the whole day, somewhere in South London, I actually don't really remember after what happened. Even though I didn't want to join Sherlock, he took me with him. Said he wanted me to come, it was important. I didn't understand. As always. I never understand anything he says or thinks. I just listen to him talking and follow my own thoughts more or less.

Even months after Marys death I'm still into deep depression and I know it. I can't trust anyone. Not even a therapist. Not even.. Sherlock.
I do occasionally live with Sherlock at 221B Baker Street, but not too often, just for a few days before I can't take it anymore. Our relationship isn't what it had been before. And I have to care for Rosie. At the moment she's almost the only human being that keeps me alive.

But it's not only distrust that keeps Sherlock and me apart from each other... it's the fact that we never really talked about what happened and what is going to happen next. It's the fact that so much between us two has remained unspoken for such a long time. I feel like if we ever spoke like best friends, everything might return to how it was before Marys death.
And then there's this thing that I felt for Sherlock since the very first day I met him and that never disappeared from my heart. Something that I don't feel for any other thing or human being. Something special that keeps me upholding the contact to him.
And it was this special something that made me join him on the case. Yes I was tired and sad and needed to see something new and everything else Sherlock said apart from that, but actually, I just really wanted to be with him.

But back to what I was telling. Sherlock and me and the case. We had been there all day. And Sherlock was (as ever) brilliant, but annoying. I felt like he was especially rude today and he didn't just accidentally made me more and more angry with his behaviour but fully on purpose. And I didn't like that.

When we returned by cab, we didn't talk, I was too mad at him to say a word, but I had decided to confront him at Baker Street. Mrs. Hudson was taking care of Rosie so I had to go there anyways to pick her up.