Seven Years (Johnlock!!)

- Sherlock -

Today, I was really sorry for John. He must think I'm a complete asshole for treating him like dumb the whole day. But it was all part of a plan (even though I'm not sure if it will turn out as brilliant as it did in my head while I figured it out).

I knew John would stay and confront me with how I acted today if I was enough of an asshole. And it was necessary that he stayed because today was a very important day, and I really couldn't wait any longer. I suppose John didn't notice anything about the meaning of this date. Our date. Our anniversary. The seventh.
I wanted to surprise him, not because I think he loves surprises so much but because I didn't have enough courage to tell him how I feel right away. It needed to be a special occasion and it needed to look like it just came into my mind. Or not? I'm not even sure about my plan anymore, I just hope it will turn out well. I hope he feels the same.

I'm so sorry for how I've been towards John during the last months. I kept thinking that distance would be the best for us, for my troubled mind, for my difficult feelings for him which I couldn't identify at first. But it didn't work, it actually got worse. I could see him suffering and since he didn't move into our flat again after Marys death, I felt so incredibly alone. I started to overthink everything, to analyze our relationship and how it developed during the last years. What John was to me. Was he a friend? Was he really... just a friend? A best friend?
It was extremely difficult for me to figure that out. Took me a long time. I eventually considered talking to the therapist about it but then I thought I should do this on my own. And I did. And today should be the final day.

After the exhausting day on the case, my head feels empty and I can't remember what I wanted to tell him. Great job, Sherlock. You did successfully manage to kick yourself out of your own plan. Well done. But I have to do this. Today. Otherwise I might not get anothet chance to tell him what I wanted to since the first day I met him.