in which 4 become 1
It was a long time before the alien Ja’ha felt comfortable enough to leave the galaxy once more in search of alien life.
He had given up waiting on his tentacle to grow back and had instead replaced it with a sharp hook, and he took great delight in thinking that it would protect him from scary humans like the female they had encountered before.
When his ship landed on earth for the second time, Ja’ha was overwhelmed by the sites before him. Never before had he heard of this magical heaven called “Las Vegas”. As his crew descended, he heard people clapping.
“THIS MUST BE PART OF THE SHOW!” someone screamed.
“THANK GOD THEY DIDN’T REALLY CRUSH CELINE DION!” someone else yelled. “I PAID GOOD MONEY TO SEE HER AGAIN TOMORROW NIGHT!”
Ja’ha did not know who what a Selendione was but he decided that it did not matter as he descended into the crowd.
There was a hushed silence before he said, “WHERE IS YOUR NEAREST LAVATORY?”
The human nearest him shrieked in terror at his alien tongue and vaulted over the seats. Ja’ha flailed around in confusion, unused to the horrible shrieking noise, and he felt a shiver of fear roll down his spine. His phantom tentacle ached and as he tossed his limbs around higgledy piggledy, he caught the throat of another human and ripped out her jugular with his hook.
Ja’ha had never seen such a horrific sight before — unless you counted his one, awkward encounter with the human female who took his tentacle. He began to sweat fat, alien moisture from his eyeballs.
NOT AGAIN, he thought.
And then, with a gurgling noise that would rival any leaky faucet, a body began to crawl from beneath his crashed spaceship. She was covered in blood, her body mangled beyond repair.
“THAT’S NOT CELINE DION!” somebody shrieked as they ran for the exit. “IT’S AN IMPERSONATOR!”
Sure enough, the mangled human had lost their wig but the soft strains of My Heart Will Go On continued to fly from their mouth as they made their way out from beneath the spaceship.
And then, as though her singing was an aphrodisiac and Ja’ha was a God of Fertility, the remaining humans began to gyrate in a sexual fashion and take off all their clothes. One by one, they fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs, humping and thrusting, moaning and groaning, and the scent of sex filled the air.
Before Ja’ha could slither away on his remaining tentacles, two naked human women grabbed him from behind. Memories flashed through Ja’ha with a shower of terror — memories of the human woman and how she had violated him — and he almost fainted with the strength of it.
“I WILL HAVE YOU, ALIEN!” one of the woman shrieked.
“AS WILL I!” the other screamed.
Ja’ha’s eyes grew round with anxiety as the first woman took a tentacle and shoved it between her breasts, slithering up and down the lengthy of his scaly tentacle like a strange tree—humping woman who did not know how to have sex.
“Oooooooh!” she announced. “This is simply delightful!”
“I must try it!” the other human announced. She stared at the alien greedily, her eyes drinking him in. Never before had she felt so horny. There was something about those green, scaly tentacles that made her skin prickle with heat. She shimmied closer, grabbing the nearest flailing tentacle, and rubbed it over her breasts.
The sensation was deliciously coarse, like a palm tree in the desert. She felt herself grow wet between her legs and without any further ado, she lowered the tentacle and shoved it inside her vagina.
The alien reeled back, screaming in its mother tongue, but she persisted with her movements, shoving the tentacle in as far as it would go. It scraped along the walls of her vagina until she could have sworn it was in her throat.
“YES!” she gurgled.
Behind her, the Celine Dion impersonator continued to warble through Because You Loved Me.
She continued to hump the tentacle as the other human female mounted her own tentacle, laughing through her arousal. “THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN A STUPID CELINE DION CONCERT!” she laughed.
They both humped the tentacles like rabbits, oblivious to the terror and pain shooting through the poor alien. He shrieked curses in his mother tongue, entirely overwhelmed. Then it occurred to him that he could fight these women off!
He swung his hook at one of the women, catching her open mouth, but she chose that moment to swallow the saliva pooling in her mouth, taking the hook with it. The hook became lodged in her throat, driving into the bone, and the woman spluttered through her agonizing death, blood gushing from every orifice for no apparent reason.
The other woman remained completely oblivious, gyrating to her own rhythm on top of his tentacle.
He swung the hooked woman in a blind, anxious rage, hitting the other woman in the face.
“HEY!” she yelled. “Get your own tentacle!”
Growing bored, she grabbed another tentacle, sucking it into her mouth for moisture before shoving that one, too, inside her vagina.
Oooooooooh! She thought dazedly. Perfect!
Her orgasm ripped through her like the scaly tentacles through her body, shivers of delight cascading through her bloodstream. This was so much better than the two-pump wonders she had dated in high school.
“JA’HA!”
Ja’ha heard the scream of his mate above the terror and with a relieved cry, he flung the hooked female to the floor. His mate descended from the ship, looking positively venomous.
“YOU LIKE THIS!” she accused. “I THOUGHT YOU DID NOT WANT THIS BUT YOU LIKE THIS!”
“No!” he denied. “These humans attacked me!”
His mate ripped the second woman from his tentacles, discarding her like tissue paper. Then she jumped on Ja’ha, wrapping her tentacles around his own.
“I will show you a true woman!” she insisted.
Then she slithered up his body and enveloped his head in the huge, cavernous hole between her scaly feet. The slide of Ja’ha’s body within her was unbearable. The act of mating could only be done once in their alien lifetime, for often the male never resurfaced from the mating hole when his call to nature was complete.
His mate sunk to the floor, enveloping him entirely, and her body began to bulge as his tentacles fought to get free.
His hooked tentacle tore through her insides and she felt her alien blood spill like pulped orange juice, the colour of muddy water.
Fat tears rolled down her scaly face but she refused to allow him to leave until he fused with her completely.
The Celine Dion impersonator launched into the chorus of That’s The Way It Is! as Ja’ha gave one last shove… and then Ja’ha was no more.
His mate rose, a new species altogether, and when she spoke, she spoke with the voice of Morgan Freeman.
“WHERE IS THE LAVATORY?!”
True story.
