Depends

1

He was the handsomest boy I have ever laid my eyes on.

He could cook.

He could sing.

He was good at Math.

He was tall.

And most of all, He was mine.

●●●●●●●●

He was a year older than me. His name was Jason. He wasn't a school hearthrob. He wasn't a jerk, either. He was perfectly perfect. And he was mine.

He was amazing at Math. He would tutor me sometimes and we'd end up sleeping late. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter if I woke up with bags under my eyes, it didn't matter that I would sleep in class and get scolded by the teacher or end up forgetting what I studied the night before. It all didn't matter. What mattered most was the time I spent with him.

Jason had a lot of nicknames for me. He would call me; Stupid, cutiepie, sweet heart, lovely wormie (he said it was because I was a book worm, doesn't make sense, does it?), Emma bear and my favorite, his star.

I did ask him one time why he decide to call me star. I also told him that it was a commonly used nickname, so why use it for me? I wanted something unique. Something special.

He told me, "You're my star because when I get lost I always look for you. When I don't know where to turn you're right there, shining the way. When all is hopeless and dark, you're there to give me hope and light. You gave me a path to follow. And I will always follow you. Always."

"When I was younger, the stars were my bestfriends." He would say and look to the sky, "They would listen to my problems no matter what, give me light when I would quit and they accompanied my everywhere. They felt like home. I can't explain it but they really felt like that. And I feel the same way with you."

One time on his birthday, I decided to bring him to a place where you could see the stars clearly. I brought him to the park. Like all our other dates to the park, we stayed h the big tree. Our tree. The only difference was that it was during the night. When the starts shone their brightest.

We sat underneath the tree, hand in hand. I looked at the stars are remembered all the wonderful events that happened under this very tree. It was where I confessed, where he accepted me as his girlfriend, (I had to confess twice. He wasn't sure the first time so he gave me a chance to do it all over again when he said he was done thinking. He wasn't sure what dating was exactly.) and where we had our first kiss.

I looked up to Jason and saw him smiling down at me. I smiled back and he kissed me. It was a slow kiss. It felt like time itself was slowing down, just for us. Just for this moment. And I thanked time for all the wonderful moments it gave me. The fist time I saw him in the hallways, the first time I decided to talk to him, our first study session, my first realization that I liked him, my first confession and the start of our relationship.

"Emma, I have to go back tomorrow." Jason said, playing with my hair. When he said that my heart dropped. It felt heavy. Very heavy.

"So soon? You just got out." I said, laying my head on his chest, causing him to start coughing.

"I'm so sorry, Jason!" I said and started to stand up. As I got to my feet, Jason grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back down, right beside him.

"Hey, don't worry about it." He said, smiling.

And my heart felt even heavier than before.Why was he smiling?
He knows the kind of situation he was in! What part of it would make him smile? There was nothing to smile about. Then suddenly, without me knowing, I began to cry. It felt good to cry out. It felt like I was crying all my problems away.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jason asked, panicking. "What's wrong?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't because I didn't know what to say. Was I crying because he has to go away? Was I crying because I knew I was the reason why he hesitated to leave? Was I crying because I regretted falling inlove with him? I didn't know.

"W-What if we didn't meet? What if I didn't fall inlove with you and I didn't confess? What if all this didn't happen? What if--"

Jason cut me off by pulling me into a hug. It was warm and comforting. He smelled amazing like he always did. His arms wrapped around me made me realize something. It made realize that I was being selfish. I wasn't the one leaving. I wasn't the only one who fell inlove. I wasn't the one who was feeling this sad. But I was the only one who decided to open up. I decided to open up to reality.

"I'm a horrible star. A star always shines brightly in the darkness. It guides the lost to the right path. I am nothing like that. If anything, I am a dying star. A star losing its light and giving in to the darkness. A star which no one can follow any longer."

A dying star. Thats what I am.

●●●●●●●

"Emma, promise me you'll continue shining. Promise me that after all this is over, you'll keep lighting other people's way." Jason said lying on a hospital bed.

"Jason, I can't do that. Not without you." I said, holding his hand tight.

"You can. You've been doing it even before I met you. You were already shining before you talked to me. You are a natural star, Emma. Believe in what you are and take action. Even if it means I won't be there."

"What are you talking about? I can't do anything without you! I need you, Jason!"

"Thats only what you think. I was the one that needed you, Emma." He said, sweezing my hand,"Without you I would have been in this bed a lot sooner. I would have died together with my regrets. Anger. Lonliness. Thay would have been with me. But then you came. You lit up my world and gave me hope, compassion and love. Your cheerful smile, your out-going attitude, you never ending bad jokes, all of them, brought light to my world. And I thank you for doing so."

"Jason..." I said

"I love you, Emma."

"I love you too, Jason. I really do." I said.

"I love you more, my wonderful star."

★★★

And that was the last conversation I had with Jason.

I don't regret loving him. Not at all. Because if I was his star, dying or not, I had to keep shining.

●●●●●●●●

And thats a wrap! Thanks for coming and for reading the book. Please come again.

♥ Klara