The Girl With The Past

Junior Year

This was the year we thought things would change. This was the year that was supposed to be ours.  This of course never turned out like we wanted to. Then again, what really does turn out the way we want it to? No matter who you have in your life, it never seems to turn out just the way you want it to. But couldn't that be the joy of it? Couldn't that be the fun part of every year? Well we thought it was going to be different and we tried our best, as usual the tides have turned.

Breanna and I was still going strong in life as this was our junior year. The year we once again said that it was our year. We thought we were going to have the year that we can say we owned it and finally become happy. But really who were we kidding?  We had good times and we had some bad. She was my best friend and it was supposed to stay that way but who would of thought it was going to be easy? We knew what this year really brought for us and we just weren't prepared for it. We tried to put off the fact I was graduating. We tried to put off the fact we had to prepare for college. We tried to just push it all aside and have fun but we both go caught up and it became too much for us. 

Aj was in my life still off and on it was really hard on me. He was a kid I had a connection with but he never really cared for me and I knew it. I knew he wanted nothing to do with me when he started choosing his friends and everything over me. I was just another girl to him. And for some reason I couldn't get over that. It hurt. I put so much time and work into him and it just wasn't good enough. And that started to get to me. It started to bother me that anytime I tried to fix things with him it was only relevant when it benefited from him side. I was young and dumb and I pushed it to the back of my mind as much as I could but still the thought longer. What if I fixed it? No matter what it was, I wasn't going to be able to get that boy back. But isn't that life? Losing people who mean the world to you?

Once again, I was still in FFA and I was still happier than ever. This was my safe place as my friends called it. I was help coach QuizBowl but I was also doing my own thing with crops and wildlife. What could of gone wrong?The year before I had a national title In QuizBowl that I will forever be proud of which meant carrying that on and helping our the younger ones. Which I had no problem doing. I didn't mind spending hours of practice with the kids who wanted to learn. With wildlife, I only did it because brody wanted me to spend more time with him, which was a win for me. Crops was something I just tried because well why not. After awhile FFA began to take over my life and that had its ups and downs. I was so focused on contests that I forgot about school sometimes. With me graduating early that really wasn't an option for me if I wanted to succeed in the task at hand. 

On top of my FFA, I was graduating a year early and that was a big change.  Graduating a year early was a big thing for me. Most people didn't think I would even graduate in general so doing it a year early shocked everyone. Graduating early meant a few things. It meant I had to stay focused and make sure I was doing good in classes. It meant I had to give up some extra curricular activities  to have time to do my studies. And overall it meant I had to pass all my classes as well as take online classes. Taking the online classes was okay at first but I was distracted a lot with brody. I wanted to make the year last considering I was leaving it all behind but for some reason I let it get to my head and I headed up messing around too much and almost not graduating. 

Brody was still in my life but things weren't the same. Me and brody were on and off with being friends. Some days we were best friends and you couldn't separate us and other days we would barely talk. Most of my friends didn't like that about us.  I invested too much time into this kid for him to break my heart and almost ruin my dreams. I thought I loved the kid but I loved the idea of the kid. He gave me happiness and made me feel young and a teenager because I was growing up too fast. But I realized soon that I can't have everything I want. Brody soon went on and got a girlfriend but still tried to mess around with me and I was dumb enough to continue it because I wanted that "break" from school and FFA and he was that. But in reality, I helped him cheat on his girlfriend for months and I didn't have the nerve to end it the right way. Sometimes things just don't have a happy ending. But they did. 

We had prom in just a few days and it was more stressful than ever. It was time for me to put on the dress and act like a princess and just simply enjoy life. But how can someone focus on that when they had so much more responsibility to take care of. Prom was a time of a high schoolers life they were supposed to have fun and enjoy the night with their friends and go out and just really appreciate it. I went to prom with my best friend Cameron and I had a blast. But preparing for prom wasn't easy. We had to go through hair and makeup and finding the right dress and as the tasks kept coming it started to feel more like a job then a day I truly wanted to be apart of. Due to the fact I was graduating early, I needed to go to prom because I wasn't going to have "next year" to do it so I could put it off. And that reality set in.  I didn't have a next year. At prom, I had a blast and it was a good time but soon as the night came to an end it was time to go home and finish homework for the next day because it was finals time. 

Online School was becoming more difficult. I started to get behind in my online classes because I started to give up hope. I had finals coming up and in my mind I wasn't prepared for any of them. I was stressed so much I wasn't sure if I could complete the big task everyone saw me set. I had prepared for finals by putting every.single.paper into a binder and dividing in so I could study what really needed to be studied but still go back and look at the notes to help me study. When it came to online school it was pretty self explanatory. Read through the lessons, fill in the answers, take the quiz, and repeat. But when it came down to doing multiple lessons in one day it became overwhelming because it was crunch time and I needed it to be passing but still be completed. I tried so hard to keep my grade up in the class to the point that it was so good when the final came if I passed it, I would still pass the class. And thankfully, I did. 

IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GRADUATE. I finally achieved the goal I had inherited from my  family. I had dress rehearsals and graduation parties to plan and outfits to buy. I finally got everything ready for graduation and it was time to put on the cap and gown. Sitting there and looking around me at all my fellow classmates who weren't originally my class was eye opening for me. It meant a lot that even if it wasn't who I started with, they enjoyed the fact I ended with them. Walking across the stage and getting that diploma and looking at all the teachers who thought I couldn't do it.. It gave me hope. I had a graduation party very soon after because I started college two weeks after today. My party was a camo theme and it truly made me happy even if things didn't get to go my way and I had family issues. At the end of the day, the ones who came showed the were proud of me. Now let me make them proud in college. Or so I hoped.