(Ethyriu don't read this. I don't need you feeling bad. You didn't see this notification. Don't feel bad. Your life is better without me and I see that.)
I'm happy
Piper is back which is great
I'm happy for her
She's gotten so much better
It's great
But I'm also sad
She's moved on from us
I know it was hard
At least that's what I want to believe
But
I shouldn't be sad
She's moved on
It was her decision in the beginning and if she thinks she's better off without me that's fine
It hurts
But when haven't I lied about my pain?
I love piper so very much
I just
I'm mad
I'm mad because I always thought I'd matter
I know that's not how she feels at all
I matter to her
She doesn't need me anymore
That's all
So in a way
I feel mad at myself for expecting that I'd always be important to people
People move on
A lot of my friends have left me
I'm realizing now
It's hard making friends
Keeping friends
You never know where you stand
But
I have issues
I depend on people constantly
I need them to be happy for me
I'm never really happy unless people around me are happy
I'm so dependent I don't know how to do anything on my own
It makes me feel ridiculously stupid
People hold expectations for me
And I fail to miss them every time
But what can I say?
I'm not perfect
Actually
I'm below average
I don't make a difference in people's love
Barely any people know who I am
If I disappeared they wouldn't even realize
I don't anyone wanting to comment about me killing myself
I'm not going to commit suicide
I've already decide I'm too cowardly for that
So exactly what I mean
I'm below average
I couldn't even cut myself if I wanted
I'm so scared I wouldn't do anything
I'm too scared of people's opinions
I'm going to be honest
I don't care about myself
I don't have much to live for
I have friends
And a family
Not really a loving one but what can you do
All I really have is a dead dream and people who tell me they need me so that I feel better about myself
At this point
I don't care if it's a pretty lie
Just say you need me
I have nothing else to live for
I was denied the help I needed
So what's to care about
Nothing's wrong with me
I just want attention
I'd prefer good attention
See
I say that but I don't mean it
Deep down
I'd rather if no one could see me
I wouldn't have to worry about everyone else
I've noticed
People are selfish
So selfish
They want something
But when they get it
They don't want it
Instead
They want what they already had
So
That's my opinion
Congrats
You know an attention whore who at the same time hates people
It's ok
You can leave me
Who hasn't
Who won't
There are a lot of people who tell me they won't leave and then leave
You'll leave eventually
So do it now while my eyes are open
I'll live
Not like I could kill myself anyway
Bye
Hope you have a better life
Evidently it works
By the way, piper if you read this I don't care. Just don't say anything.
I'm too negative
I'll make you unhappy
Just leave and live a good life
