Loving Sunny

Track 03

"Sunny... Stop jumping up and down so much. You can hurt yourself, princess.."

"But dad!"

I sighed while finishing packing the cookies we made earlier.

Sunny was invited to play with some friends today and despite my insisting that I wanted to stay with her, I guess my nervousness of being around people I'm not familiar with was too obvious for the mother of her friend.. Uhh... Claire, I think was her name? Well, her mother insisted that it'd be okay to just leave her there for a while like all the other mothers did.

Being barely a legal adult probably made her think we wouldn't have a lot in common to talk about in the mean times the kids played... And deep inside I thought so too.

"What will you do if you don't want to stay there longer?"

"Call dad!"

"What will you do if one of the kids doesn't treat you well?"

"Tell Claire's mom!"

"And then?"

"Call dad~"

"What will you do if they serve a lot of sweets?"

She paused and I squinted "Sunny shouldn't eat too many..."

I smiled at her "Good girl"

"Dad," she sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder "I'm a big girl now. I'm four already!"

I laughed and picked her up, "Oh no, where did my baby go? Yesterday I had to bath her and now she's an adult moving out and finding a job!"

She giggled "Don't be silly, dad. Sunny isn't leaving you."

I felt a warmth inside of me I could only feel around her. The type of warmth that makes everything feel so much softer and beautiful. The type of warmth that somehow always brings a smile to my face and makes the heaviness on my shoulders and the pain on my body fade away and leave me focusing on that feeling.

I smile softly "You won't leave me?"

She shakes her head "Dad will be alone if Sunny leaves and I don't want dad to feel sad.."

All the people that left me and all the people that I pushed away when I was left won't definitely come back to me and I doubt I can make anyone be close to me again the way I could before but I never realized how obvious my loneliness was until a four years old girl noticed it. I wonder how many people take pity on me.

But Sunny shouldn't have to worry about her useless father.

"What? Are you saying I can't make friends like you? I'm soooorry, the oh so wonderful princess who rules a kingdom and everybody is friends with~ Teach me how to be a princess like you!"

She laughed and shook her head "You can't be a princess, dad! I'm the princess and you are the king."

"Are you going to take over my kingdom then?"

"Yes!"

"How dare you!"

Her laugh is the medicine that heals all the wounds inside of me. Every problem seems meaningless if I can hear her laugh and protect her from the heaviness and darkness of the world I shamefully brought her to. She deserves so much more that I can give her but I won't let push her away. She's the only sunlight I have left and I refuse to go back to the darkness now that I have her.

  - ✪ -  

Kneeling in front of her, I feel a tad bit nervous leaving her in a place I'm not familiar with, in the care of people I have barely waved at, with kids I can't be sure will treat her right. Conclusions: this is the worst decision and I haven't felt this nervous in years.