for her 🌹

🌹 08

what is love?
i don't know.
for a long period of time, i did not believe in it. and to a certain extent, i still don't. all my life, I've never seen anything that would have made me believe it. since i was little, all I've grown up around are fights and divorces and jerks and messed up people. and i have never admitted it, but all my life i have been scared to love. scared of love. scared of marriage, scared of loss. I never saw the beauty in it. never say what everyone else seems to see. never understood why people wanted to go through it.
but then I found you, and until then i hadn't even realized the importance of platonic love. you made me. you taught me how to love, with your own stupid rants and always fighting me when i said love is stupid or just an illusion. and you made some part of me love. your mind and your heart and your voice. your smile and your hands and your eyes. you made me feel, period. and it hurts sometimes, but it feels odly good to hurt. when people speak of love, they're often talking about lust or more or less of the same thing. but all i want is for you to be happy.
some people say that if they had one wish they'd use it to get the person they want. i would never. if i had to use a wish to get you, that meant i didn't love you. and i do. if i had one wish, I'd use it so that you get what you deserve. and you deserve the galaxy. you deserve the milky way. you deserve everything humans have discovered so far and beyond. i don't want you, i want your happiness. i want you to stay my friend, because that's what we're supposed to be. and im fine with it. i could never be more grateful. all i want, is to not lose you. is to see the smile i keep falling for. all i want is that you get the opportunities you deserve. i want you to get someone you deserve, and heaven knows i can never be that person, because you deserve someone that makes you happy and makes you feel amazing because you really are. you're a goddess. you're the brightest star. all supernovae in one. and i think that even if i realize some day that I am not in love with you, we both will know that i still love you more than anything else in the world. you will always be my number 1. and i guess this is what we're supposed to be.
so here's my letter to you, stay with me. don't let me lose you. don't let me push you away. don't let me ruin the only part of myself that i like; you.