Lost in Forever

What's Wrong With Me

God damn it!! Why did I have to do this to myself? I told myself that this is what was right but Ben had looked so hurt when he left. Then I found his wallet. I wanted him to stop talking to be but I didn't want him to hate me. When he had came for his wallet, I told him I'm sorry. The look on his face told me everything, "I hate you!"

Why did I tell him the truth. I know we are suppose to be enemies but why did I tell him that. He wouldn't have known and we could have continued to be friends... or maybe more than friends. Now he hates me but maybe that's a good thing I guess. He will not have me dragging him down. This is for the best, I don't need to be getting attached to anyone right now, I need to focus.
Even with my little pep talk, I found myself thinking about Ben. Why has he been on my mind all the time? I have only known him for about a month. Why do I care so much? That's when I felt it. The pain you get when you've lost someone. I decided to try and make it go away with a nap. Once I crawled into my bed I broke down. Ben was sleeping here last night. I could feel my heartache worsening. Tears began streaming down my face. I cant take much more of this. When did Ben become so important to me? Was it when he apologized to me? No, it was when he gave me my nickname. Renji. Its hardly a nickname but it was the first time I actually felt like I had a friend. That was the day I decided that I would do only what's best for him. Hah. That didn't turn out so well. It was all going well until I started getting these feelings for him. If only he hadn't shown up here. Everything would still be good. I slowly began to fall asleep.
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Huh? Where am I? All around me is darkness. My eyes start to adjust but I realize that there isn't anything in the room except for a chair. I walk towards it and notice that someone is sitting in it.

"Exscues me but do you know where I am?"

In a raspy voice I hear the relay,"you're in hell kid."

"What? That's not possible!"

"Believe it or not. You're in Hell. "

"But how? All I did was fall asleep."

"Sometimes that's all it takes to get here. Now do you want to make a deal or not?"

"A deal? Who are you?"

"Son, I'm Satan and you're here because you are suffering and you want it to stop. In other words you summoned me here to make a deal with you, so that you won't have to feel this pain anymore."

"You're Satan? I thought you'd look different but you look just like everyone else."

"Of course I look like everyone else. People don't make deals with a red horned midget. Now are we going to make a deal or can I go back home?"

"What kind of deal?"

"That do you want most in the world?"

What do u want most? That's obvious! Ben. I can't have him though....or can I? "What if I want a person?"

"I can make it happen but be warned they will be brainwashed into loving you. It won't be real."

I could never brainwash Ben." I want Ben Sterling to be as happy as he can be."

"Interesting. I can do that but in return I want your soul."

"When would I have to give it to you?"

"Let's say ten years." A smiled formed on the man's face.

"Will Ben still be happy even when you get my soul? He will get whatever he wants? For as long as he is alive?"

"Yes. Now do we have a deal?"

Should I? Can I trust him? I have never heard of Satan going back on his word. Although he doesn't make deals without thought. It is for Ben though. I just want him to be as happy as possible. "Yes." The man grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. I felt my eyes burn then everything went black.
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When I woke up I was on my bed still. I didn't feel any different than before. Maybe it was just a dream. I started to get up but got a stabbing pain in my lower back. I went to my mirror to inspect it. I found a weird symbol kind of tattooed onto the right side of my lower back. It looked like a stick figure angel wearing a crown. Did I really make a deal with the devil? Maybe I will go visit Ben and see if anything is different.

I got to Ben's house at 12:47 pm that Sunday. Ben was outside about to get into his car when I turned into the driveway. Suddenly a car pulled up and a girl got out. I took cover behind the bushes by his driveway. I made sure I couldn't be seen but could hear what they said. The girl got out of her car and yelled, "Hey, Ben, It's me Mikara!"

Ben turned and stared at her. She walked up to him abd they hugged. "Mikara, what are you doing here?"

"When we talked on the phone you sounded sad so I came down to visit. I also may have a question for you."

"I'm totally fine, you don't have to worry about me. I don't even remember what made me sad to begin with. What sort of question do you have fir me?"

The Mikara chick started to blush fiercely and looked to the ground,"Umm... well taking to you brought up so many good memories for me. I was thinking about moving down here so that you would have a friend. My question was gonna be if maybe you wanted to go out with me?"

What the hell!?! How could this be happening? That's it, I'm going over there. I walked up to them and called out to Ben." Hey Ben, how is it going?"

He turned to me confused, "Who are you?"

I felt my heart break. He doesn't know me? How? It this Satan's work? I asked him to make Ben happy, not for him to forget me... Is Ben happier without me? No! He can't be. "Its me Renji. You know, you're best friend."

"You're that guy that sits infront of me at school, right? Sorry, dude, but I have only talked to you once, we're not best friends."

"Oh. Well sorry to bother you." I turned around and walked away. Before I made it all the way off the driveway I heard him tell Mikara that he would go out with her. So for Ben to be as happy as possible, I have to be miserable. Well if that's what it takes so be it. I only have to deal with this pain for ten years and he gets to be happy for eternity. Oh that's something I forgot to tell him; He isn't going to die. It doesn't matter though, he has forgotten everything I have ever told him.

Be happy Ben. Be happy for both of us.