Lost in Forever

Something is Off

It has been a month since Mikara and I  have began dating again. She hasn't moved down here yet but she comes over every once in awhile for a weekend. I have been so happy lately that I can't describe it. I don't remember why I was sad to begin with. That boy Shiroi Renji hasn't tried to talk to me again.

He was so rude to me and then out of nowhere says we are best friends. What is wrong with him? Maybe he was tripping on some drugs? I don't know why but I find myself thinking about him a lot. I just can't seem to get him out of my head. Why is it that whenever I get really happy I think about him? Something is wrong. My memories are all fuzzy. Why can't I remember? Why do I even care? Was he the one who made me so sad before? Was he the reason Mikara came down here?  I feel like it has something to do with him but I just can't remember! Why? Why? Why! I just want to know! I want to remember! I can't truly be happy unless I remember what happened that made me sad.

"Do you truly want to remember?" A voice in my head asked me. The voice sounded like an old man's.

"Yes, it is all I want."

"If it will truly make you the happiest then considered your memories returned."

"Thank you, I think. Who are you? Why did you take my memories?" He never answered me. What was all that about? I still don't remember anything. Then all of the sudden it came back to me. Renji! That son of a bitch! How could I ever have forgotten what he did? Was that why he was at my house? I completely forgot about him. This doesn't change anything though; I am still going out with Mikara and we are happy together. She is moving down here in two months and then we can live together. But... How could I have forgotten about Renji? Did it have something to do with that old man's voice? What does he have to do with any of this? I have to know what Renji has to do with a all of this. I'm going to go see him.

I got into my car and drove to his place, luckily when I knocked on his door he answered.

"Ben? What are you doing here?"

"Listen, Renji, I remember you now. I remember everything that happened. You did something to me! I forgot all my memories of us. Tell me something, why did I forget in the first place?"

A look of surprise lit up his face. "Umm.. Do you want to come and sit down?" He shakily gestured for me to come inside. I walked in and plopped  on the couch with as much aditude as I could.

"So are you going to explain everything to me?"

Renji sat down at the opposite side of the couch and looked at me. "How did you regain your memories?"

"An old voice spoke to me in my head and told me he would give me back my memories if it would truly make me happy. I don't quite understand how or why so you better start explaining."

"Why would you say it would make you happy!? You were so happy without remembering what happen. You should just forget me again!" His face was red and I think I saw a vain pop out of his neck.

"I wanted to know. It was my determination to remember. Now will you please explain everything to me. Why would you want me to forget you. You were suppose to be my best friend!"

"Your best friend! I hardly call what happen between us something that friends do. Besides you were already mad at me when I had your memories erased! I did it so you would be happy!"

"So I would be happy! Do I look happy right now? I would never want to forget you, even after what happened."

"Yes you would! I didn't ask for your memories of me to go away; I asked for you to be as happy as possible and for that to happen you had to forget me I guess. I don't make you happy! Why don't you see that?"

"Do you really think that you don't make me happy? Every second that I had spent with you made me happy. I don't know what you did or how but being with you makes me happiest and by forgetting you I felt the hole you left in my heart." I looked down and ny hands. I could feel my heart breaking all over again.

"Please..." he looked at me and I saw tears in his eyes, "Please... Just don't make this any harder on me."

"I couldn't just forget you again! You can't ask me to do that!"

Renji placed his hand in his heart and looked me dead in the eyes, "Leave and never come back. That is an order!" His eyes flared up and I felt my body begin to move. I don't want to leave. Just let me stay! Why can't you see that I like you!?

"Why will you not just except me?" Tears flew down my face as I walked towards the door. I tried so hard to fight and stay but it was no use.

"Because... I love you." He was also crying. "I can't let myself hurt you any more!"

"The only time you ever hurt me is when you push me away!" My heart hurt so bad. I almost couldn't breathe and my tears were blocking my vision.

"Don't ever talk to me again."

I heard his last words and left his house. He said he loved me but he forced me away. Why can't he see that I love him too.