Life isn't Rainbows and Sunshine

Pain

    Pain...

    Pain is crying yourself to sleep at night.

    Hoping your life will change, but then realizing it never will.

    And eventually, you're so tired of the efforts you made that day, to seem normal, that when you go to bed, you can't keep your eyes open long enough to cry.

    But the next day you wake up knowing that you'll cry, because the tears you didn't shed the night before, are still there.

    Pain is never falling asleep for the fear of the memories and emotions, that are sure to come.

    The ones that will always be there at the back of your mind, because of the things done to you.

    And because of this, the days after, you're falling asleep in class.

    Pain is putting up a wall that's so high, because you don't want it to ever break down.

    You put up your guard so no one can break through.

    But eventually, the wall will crumble, because you've grown to exhausted to keep it up.

    Pain is faking happiness, to the point that even you can't tell if it's real or not. 

    Day after day, week after week, you continue to fake it, until the lines between reality and acting blur.

    But you eventually won't be able to keep that happy face plastered, and it'll just wipe right off.

    Pain is having that one thing call you that you don't want to call.

    It's like a drug calling you.

     And you're trying to resist it, but you're not able to.

    Pain is doing things you hope will block out, or at least numb, the pain.

    For a few hours you may be successful enough to.

    But then, you are no longer able to.

    Pain is realizing that no matter what you do, your pan will never go away.

    No matter what medication or what therapy you have, it will always be there.

    It will linger at the back of your mind, eventually consuming you.

    Pain is pain.