How To Raise Native Children....(On Reserve) #wattys2017

4. Eve

Eve had her own qualities that few people understood. My pregnancy with her was emotional. I don't mean in the hormonal sense, that would've been easier. I mean in the external sense.

Frank, by this time, was confused. He didn't know where he wanted to be or what he wanted to do. He spent more time away from home than he ever did before. He became more bitter and cruel. Honestly, I don't know if he meant to be that way. One thing I do know, is that Frank was always open and honest when he was drunk. The weed was to mask it. Some days were more difficult than others.

We were still in the same duplex. Too small for our small family. By the time I was pregnant with Eve, I had moved my bedroom upstairs. Haley still had the master bedroom and Kevin had taken over the playroom. I put my bed in the livingroom. It took up a lot of space, but I was closer to Kevin. He was still having his asthma attacks and didn't yet know how to get me for help, he was only a year, after all.

Eve's pregnancy went like the other two. She was healthy and strong. Only, she did a number on me. I had more cavities than the other two pregnancies put together. Gingivitis that was relentless. It didn't matter if I brushed and flossed six times a day (which I did), I still had cavities and gingivitis.

I woke up one night, around 2 am. The pressure of Eve weighed, heavily, on my bladder. I staggered to the bathroom. My head bobbled about and my eyes remained closed. It was a typical night, having to get up two or three times, this was the first time, tonight. I sat on the toilet, waiting, wondering what was taking so long. My body was tense, I didn't know why. When I, finally, started to feel a bit of relief, I gasped. I slapped my left hand and gripped onto he corner of the counter. My right hand punched the ledge of the tub. Both my feet tried to push through the floor and my knees slammed together. My eyes shut tight and my lips pulled back. I grit my teeth and let out a quiet scream. I dare not wake the children. My kegal muscles tightened, and I could breathe again. I gasped for air as my sleepiness disappeared. I was, now, awake and dizzy. I clenched my eyelids so tight that my vision was cloudy. I blinked a few times and tried to settle my breathing. I was stunned. I took a few deep breaths and relaxed my kegal muscles. I gripped the counter corner and pulled back on it. I stomped the floor and slapped at the tub. I let out another quiet scream. I tightened my kegal muscles, again.

I wondered what was wrong with me. I didn't understand what happened. My back throbbed. I was dizzy and lightheaded. Son of a bitch! I thought. I have an infection. I gasped for air, again. I didn't want to pee anymore. I've had a few UTI's before, but, none were as painful as this. A little bit of burning, a little bit of stinging. But, NEVER like this. And I didn't feel it until the urine left my body. I had to do a self check:

Pain in my urethra?..........No.
Pain in my bladder?..........No.
Pain in my ureters?...........No.
Pain in my kidneys?..........No.
But there was pain at the opening of my urethra. Shit!

I had to finish. I didn't want to. I took a few deep breaths, again. I tried to relax my body. Slowly, I relaxed my kegal muscles. My body writhed on the toilet. I kicked the side of the tub, pulled back on the corner of the counter and punched the tub ledge. I clenched my kegal muscles again. My quiet scream turned into a quiet wimper. Tears fell down my face as I fought to breathe. Son of a bitch! How much pee do I have left? I wondered. And how long before I see a doctor? And then more time to wait for the antibiotics to work. I sighed.

I tried to pee, again. This time, the pain caused my muscles to twitch, aggressively, throughout my body. I clenched my kegal muscles again and fell into the toilet tank. My head hit the wall, both of my arms fell to my sides and my legs were outstretched. 50% of my vision was black. I could see only through a long dark tunnel. I had stopped crying. Get a hold of yourself you wimp! It's a UTI, you're not dying. Just let it go. Get it done and over with. Take a breath and..... I sat forward and kicked the floor. My left hand slapped the counter and my right hand found the wall behind me. My quiet scream wasn't so quiet, anymore. Then, there was silence. I stopped screaming and crying. I remember my body feeling weak. I started to twitch and my head wobbled. I fell back into the tank, again, twitching.