Welcome to Compton

First Blood

I didn't sleep at all that night. Or the next day. I haven't slept in a week. I can't. I know I'll have nightmares.

I've cried all I can cry. I haven't been in school lately. I went to Nico's funeral yesterday.

I held his mom while she cried. I couldn't blame her for her tears. Not only had she lost her son but now she had no one but her other family.

I blamed myself for it all. If I hadn't told him to come along with me then he'd still be here. That reason alone was eating me alive.

I needed to focus on the present though. I'd made a promise that she wouldn't have to struggle. I needed a job.

........

It's been a month and I still haven't been called back by any of the jobs I applied to.
I need to figure something out and fast.

My dad walked in my room. I haven't seen him since I blew up at him. He looked sullen and tired.

"I understand your hur-" he began.

"No you don't." I cut him off."You have no idea how I'm feeling right now" I feel anger and frustration.

Here was the man that I'd wanted to spend time with my entire life trying to console me, a son he didn't know any better than he knew Nico. I need to vent and right now and he's stepping right into the line of fire. He sighs and lifts his hands up in surrender.

"Your right. I don't know. I can only imagine how your feeling right now. I want you to know that I love you son. You've been in this room for a month now. You only come out to eat and use the bathroom." He tells me this hoping to reach through the shell I know I've pulled over myself. It works.

"I don't know how to deal with these emotions any other way. It's like there's a crushing weight on my chest every time I think about him and god knows I can't stop thinking about him." I'm melting back into the sorrow. By now it's like a constant, horrible, but loyal friend.

I stand up to look him in the eyes because even though I didn't like him I still respected him as my dad.

"I know I've been busy lately but you know I do it for your mom and you. I would give my right arm if it meant I could spend more time here. As for your friend you can't blame yourself for his death. But in a way it's a good thing that your beating yourself up over it. That way you'll be stronger and you'll be smarter. This won't happen again I just know it." He says.

I can't bear this. You know how parents seem to just know which buttons to push to break you down? Well he was pushing the buttons and sure enough I was breaking down.

"You have to understand though son. No one on this planet is worth what your doing to yourself. Your beating yourself up and causing stress and opening yourself up to be hurt by all types of diseases. I don't want that for you and neither does your mom. She'll talk to you when she gets home. I don't want to bother you too much more so I'll just say what I want and go. Your loved son. You have people that would miss you if you left. You have people depending on you. I know I haven't been home a lot but that doesn't make me love you any less because I do love you son and so does your mom."

He's saying all this and and tears are rolling down my cheek. When he finishes he walks over and wraps me in an embrace that spoke more than any of the words he could've said.
..........

I've made up my mind. I know what I need to do to support Nico's mom. I just found out that she's behind on her bills because she hasn't been working. Her landlord gave her an eviction notice for her to move out by the end of the month unless she can come up with $2,000. So that leaves me one other choice because all the others have failed.