The BBW Diaries

Chapter 6: Divorce and Lapdances

Noel and I had an amazing relationship. There was just one thing that made it a little less than perfect. I was a virgin. And he never pressured me to hard. We would have intense make out sessions on his bed until things got a little too far, then I would freak out and stop him. I was honestly scared. I was always told by my friends and tv that it was gonna hurt and I hated pain more than I liked pleasure.

I wanted to so badly. I was so curious about what the big deal was about sex. Everyone talked about it like it was an epic event every time it happened so I wanted my first time to be special. And I know that's cliche, I know, but that's how I really felt. We had a month long winter break before Spring semester so we all were making trips home for break. About 2 days before I left for Winter break I got a frantic call from my dad.

"Hi sweetheart, how are you? Are you ok? Have you heard from your mother or brother or sister?" He asked with a shaky voice.

I was so confused. I had just seen all of them less than a month ago on our Thanksgiving week break and everything was fine.

"No dad...why? Did something happen? What's going on?" I asked, scared now.

"I don't know where she took them! I don't know where she took my babies. Amber, has your mother called you at all? Did she tell you what she's doing? He questioned frantically.

"Dad, no she hasn't! Now what's going on? Calm down? What did mom do? What about Nya and Kobe? What happened? Please just calm down and tell me." I pleaded, getting more and more worried by the second.

"She took them. While I was at shopping, she and the children packed some of their things and now their gone! I don't know what to do! I don't know what happened? We've been arguing lately but I don't know what possessed her to take the kids and leave! Where is she? I need to know if they are all safe! I think she wants to separate!" He cried into the phone.

"Dad, Ill call her and see what's going on. I haven't talked to either of you since I saw you guys 3 weeks ago on Thanksgiving break. You guys were all just fine! I'm gonna call her now and see where she is. I'll text you and let you know if they are all safe after I talk to her ok dad? I love you? It'll be ok. Talk to you later today. Bye." I assured him, hanging up the phone.

Noel had been watching my face intently during the call.

"What babe, what it is? What happened?" He asked, worried.

I broke down and cried in his arms as I explained the phone call with my dad.

"I don't know what's going on with them Noel! I just saw them a few weeks ago! My parents are the only married couple I know that's been together longer than 2 years! This cant be happening right now! It just cant! How am I supposed to have faith in relationships anymore! No one ever stays together!" I screamed, crying still.

He walked me inside to the lobby of my apartment building off campus. We were on our way to meet Jaz on campus but barely made it out of the parking lot when I got that call so he said we would just stay at my place tonight so he could be there for me. As I sat on one of the lobby couches balling my eyes out.

Noel sat right beside me, holding me as I drenched his sweatshirt. When most of my crying had subsided, He suggested that I call my mom and figure out what was going on. I nodded pitifully, wiped my tears with my sleeves, and pulled out my phone to call my mother. She picked up after 2 rings.

"Hey baby what's up?" She asked nonchalantly.

"Hey mom, dad just called me extremely worried about you guys. Where are you and what happened? I'm so confused right now. He said you took the kids, packed your things, and left?" I questioned.

"There's been a lot going on and I just couldn't take it anymore. We had to get away from your dad. I need some time to think and some space from him right now. But were all ok sweetheart. Were at grandmas right now. Were safe. Did you wanna speak to kobe and nya?" She said calmly.

"No." I sniffled. "I was just seeing what was going on. I'm coming home next week for Winter break so ill talk to you guys more about it then. Love you ma. Bye." I commented.

After that Noel and I finished out our last week together before break. The day I had to take the shuttle to the train he helped me pack a suitcase and walked me over to it.

"Well, I guess Ill see you in a month. Ill miss you!" He said waving goodbye.

"Ill miss you too!" I yelled back getting on the shuttle.

I immediately got on the phone with my mom and she let me know I was staying at my grandmas with them for break. I didn't know how to take it. On one hand, Id get to see my little siblings. On the other hand, I wouldn't be able to see my dad all break. i accepted what she said and sat back in my seat on the shuttle until it got to the train station. Throughout my whole break I talked to Noel everyday.

We skyped as much as we could to see each other. He was all the way in Texas where his family lived. Then for the last week of break he stayed in Baltimore with his dad. The whole time I kept thinking, Is that gonna be me soon. Switching back and fourth between my parents all break? It was hard to shake that thought when it came up. I never thought I would have to experience this like all my friends but there I was, going through what most of them had already gone through at young ages. I tried focusing on other things so the thoughts wouldn't creep back up. Noel was an amazing distraction.

We didn't have to work so we had all the time in the world to focus on each other, or so I thought. While I spent the whole break fawning over my boyfriend who was across the country, he spent the whole break contemplating his relationships. Past and present. With his mother, his father, Asia, and me. I didn't know it at the time of course or I could have tried to be there for him. My heart always sped up when he called me and I wondered why at first.

Slowly I started to realize that I loved him. Id never been in love before. Id talked about love plenty of times before but I had honestly never experienced it before Noel. He really was, my first love. I spent the last 2 weeks trying to figure out how to make Noel feel better. I could tell something was on his mind whenever I talked to him but with him being so happy go lucky all the time, he didn't tell me what was really wrong.

At the time, I thought he might have been sad because I wasn't ready to have sex with him yet. A few days before we headed back to college, I started researching lap dances. I called myself being adventurous and figured that would make him happy. I was in love with him now so I felt I was finally ready to lose my Vcard to him. The first night back in my apartment with him I got dressed in the leopard and black heels I bought and turned on Beyonce's Dance for You.

"Oh crap, what's going on here?" Noel asked with a smile spread across his face.

I remembered in one of the videos I watched that they key to make the dance as sexy as possible was to be confident and in control. I put my fingers to my lips, telling him to be quiet and sat him down in the chair I placed in the middle of my room. I noticed the bulge in his jeans grew a little. I smiled and winked at him. Then sashayed over to the mirror in front of him.

I swung my hips and rubbed on my body facing him so he could see my body from behind in the mirror. I walked over to him and dropped low with my hands resting on his knees, swinging my legs open wide to get his imagination going. He licked his lips and reached out to grab my hips. I smacked his hands away and kept swaying. He stared at me with pure lust in his eyes. I could tell he wanted to try and touch me again. I teased him a little more first...