A Message for him

You came back again and I accepted you wholeheartedly, then we did not hear from you again for almost a month. It was a good thing you called and told us that you are working at La Union. I was happy that you are okay. But why do I feel that you are leaving us for good? Why do I feel that it's just an excuse? Why do I feel that it was planned for a very long time? News came, rumors became true yet we did not believe it. We trusted you, I trusted you that you will never do that to us. I was holding onto your words like it was my life. It was my only reason to be happy yet you chose to break it, your words are like swords it kills me. Of all people, why you? I choose to be indifferent to protect myself from hurting; I choose to ignore everything; I choose to hate you even though I can't. You came back and assured us that its purely work. That day, a week after you started your stay with us, you told me that you have to leave for work again, I just smiled and hugged you, told you to "take care, I LOVE YOU" and went to school with a pained expression. A year passed after that moment, everything was revealed and it was all true, you have abandoned us.

You don't know how it hurts, the pain that I am feeling, the emotion that I am hiding. I AM OKAY! I AM OKAY. This is nothing. For more than a year, after all the actions you have made I know that I have built walls around me and I am strong. I have to be strong for Mama, I don't need to cry, crying is for losers. But one night, as I was staring at nowhere, thoughts came; I should have hugged you tighter and told you not to leave, the last moment that I saw you; I should have spent a lot of time with you; I should have kissed you or maybe I should have asked you to see me off to school; I should have expressed how much I loved you. Maybe, just maybe, it will be enough reason for you not to leave.

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