Shattered Glassworks

1

CHAPTER 1

An earphone tucked inside my left ear, I pulled my suitcase gently down the aisle, heading to the waiting area of NAIA 1. There weren't many people like I expected it to be. I settled down at some random empty chair, waiting for my flight to be called.

Today is my flight to New York City to embark— discover who I truly am. A new girl at the modern city? Most people won't believe my explanation why I'm going to NYC.

They're going to react like my best friend would, I have heard different reactions from my internet friends. Among those reactions were "Girl, you're just wasting your time" , "You have the money and all but why settle for busy streets where you'll feel more lonely?" , "Is this really worth it?"

But to answer these questions, I first need to go to NYC. Perhaps the busy streets with busy people scrambling their way through the crowd would awaken me from this emptiness.

But the one question that bugged me the most was "Is this really worth it?" I left my house with an enraged father telling me that I'm being unreasonable, a soon-to-be stepmother looking at me in dismay and a best friend who doesn't even care about me nowadays?

But truth be told I've been waiting for so long for something or someone to make me feel something again.

If ever someone gave me an empty piece of paper and a pencil and he/she told me to write how I feel, I would start to angle my pencil, ready to write my heart out, all my thoughts, my feeling and all I've ever wanted to say were on the edge of the pencil but I cannot write them. And so I return the paper and he/she would be confused. Because the paper is empty and that's how I truly feel.

Most people don't know how getting tired of everything really feels, at first there would be a lot of pain coming from thousands of realizations. The second phase is you'd feel lonely and sad and every fucking negative feeling in the world. And the last phase, you wouldn't feel anything, it's just a pure shallow emptiness, you're numb.

But maybe that's the way God can save me, from ending the pain and turning It into numbness.

Most people won't probably understand what I'm saying right now. But that's how the world functions, you won't understand the things you haven't gone through.

I deeply sighed and just scratched the back of my neck from all these thoughts that kept me up all night. I hope that maybe someday, just maybe someone would make me feel something again.

This numbness is stressing me out and I don't even know how to escape from it.

...

I have a connecting flight from Manila to Taipei and then to New York.

This is actually my first time in Taipei and I don't know where to go or should I go out or something and just go back when it's time to board the airplane or something.

But I just decided to go to the coffee shop at the airport. The coffee shop was full of customers even at this late hour, it was almost 10 pm, local time in Taipei. Maybe these people were too worry-free in their lives that you would hear them laughing so much.

I stared at them for a minute. I smiled to myself remembering how happy I was back then. How simple life was back then.

I was that kind of girl you would see at the club in BGC, A well known place in Manila. You would see me holding an alcoholic drink in my left hand and my phone in my right taking snapchats of everything. I was that girl, middle class people would call 'lucky' I was enrolled at an international school where you pay US dollars and Philippine Peso. I was that girl who lived at an exclusive subdivision with a swimming pool at her backyard. I was that girl you'd see at the local mall, walking with her friends side by side.

I guess It wasn't simple for the people around me. But how can they blame me for living that kind of life where your parents don't care if you bought apple products because people around you do?

But when you experience bad things and it affects you a lot, you'd see who the true friends are. How dull your life would be. Your smile changes until you realize how lonely you are in this massive world.

And that's the first phase, where the pain crawls up to your skin, leaving you awake for the night, where you just want to scream your heart out, but who would listen to you? Where you try to call your friends to tell them what you're going through, but honey, they don't care about you. They just want the fun part. They wouldn't want to go with you in the darkness. And you'd ask them what are friends for? And they'd just laugh at you like they always do.

And you just want someone to listen to you.

I tried talking to my parents, this time I thought they would listen to me. But I was wrong on many levels. My Mom didn't even acknowledge what I'm trying to say, my Dad was busy planning his wedding.

And of course, people would say 'No, it's normal", "Don't be selfish", "You're not the only one going through that, don't be a princess" and what hurts the most is "You're just being dramatic"

I grabbed my laptop from my laptop case and decided to type. And maybe,  just maybe, I'll be okay again.

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Note: I know I should have updated this a few weeks ago, I have already written chapter 1 a few months ago but I just can't seem to publish it because something felt so wrong so I had this idea last night and I swear this felt better than what I have written. Sorry for the short update and the long wait! It gets better I promise! sml x