Eunoia

05. This One Way Road

612 words w/o notes | cred: picspam by mangoghs | unedited | enjoy x

We couldnt stay together for reasons beyond me that I could never understand. We were in love; we are in love. Multiple times we tried to make this work, whatever this is. It frusterates me how you give up on us so easily.

How I'm always the one to come back running, screaming, with my head chopped off, yelling "We are not over. I need you. I want you. You want and need me and I refuse to let you go."

You hear me for a second, your head still connected to the bits and pieces of the body you have. Screaming, yelling, running towards me, saying "I will love you until I believe I don't." That's what you tell me, but that's not the truth is it?

I scream and yell back, my voice getting raspier with each word, my feet hitting the pavement harder and harder, making my pace slower and slower, "You have to love me. There's people around you telling you to stop loving me. Don't leave." But by the time that last word escapes my teeth, you're way ahead from me. No longer ear shot, no longer listening, no longer waiting for me, no longer screaming or yelling back, no longer fighting for me.

My voice, now completely non existent. My feet, now completely broken down. I crawl. I keep crawling. I don't know where you are. But this road goes one way, so I keep going. I keep fighting for you. I keep crawling, my inner mind screaming at me to stop crawling. To stop fighting for you. To stop loving you. To stop wasting my breath and energy on you. To stop breaking myself down for you.

But I keep going.

My feet fallen off a few miles ago. But I don't mind, I have arms. I pull onto every pebble, every crack, on this one way road. You are so far ahead. I see you on the horizon. Running with your head off as if its fine. As if your head isn't what you need to run. As if your own fucking head isn't what you need to run.

But you keep going, not looking back at what you left behind.

I keep pulling myself on this road; its a constant cycle with you and me. We tell ourselves this time, we will last. I will love you until the end of time. We are forever. We are always. We are infinite.

But let me ask you sweetheart, would you travel to the sun for me? Would you slay the moon for me? Would you steal the stars for me? Would you chop your own head off for me? Would you keep running for me? Keep crawling for me? Keep screaming and yelling and needing and wanting for me?

Because my love, look up at the sky. Where is the sun? Where is the moon? Where are the stars we wish upon every night? The stars I wish upon every night? Where is my head? Where are my legs? Where are my arms?

My love, you are the sun. You are the moon. You are every single star that I wish upon. You are my head. You are my legs. You are my arms.

But you, out of all the years we spent trying, crying, promising, wishing, running with our fucking heads off, couldn't understand that.

I lost my arms a few miles back. But somehow, I keep pushing myself to keep going. Because you are worth losing everything for. Despite all the shit I get for it, youre fucking worth it to me.

How is it that im not worth it for you?