Before You

Chapter Twenty.

Tay: Sorry Jess, can't do breakfast. Something came up.

Jess: Oh ok :( Dinner?

Tay: Sounds good

I blew on the hot coffee in my hands and looked across the table at Sarah. She was clearly pissed. Her arms folded over her chest and she couldn't stand to look at me.

"What'd she say?" She muttered, picking at her muffin that I know she won't eat.

I kept my eyes down, the disapproval on her face hurting my insides. "We are going to dinner instead."

"What are you going to do, Tayler?"

I covered my face with shaking fingers. "I think I should tell her. I feel so awful."

"You should feel awful, Tayler." She snipped. "I can't believe this. Honestly I would have never expected this from you of all people. How did you let yourself get into this?"

I held back tears as I relived it all. I told her it all, from the Ed Sheeran concert right up to the party last night and his blowing me off this morning. Sarah surprised me, reaching across the table and putting her hand on top of mine. I glanced up, but she still couldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry, Tayler. I am." She said after a minute. "I get that after everything you went through with Seth, and your brother, I understand you feeling drawn to him...but Jess is my friend too. I want to make you feel better, but I can't."

I nodded. "I know." I whispered. "Just tell me what to do."

Sarah slid her hand back into her lap. "She'll never get over it, you know that, right?" In my heart I did. "You know how Jessica is. When she locks in on something or someone, nobody can mess it up. First of all, she'll be completely crushed that her best friend went behind her back with the guy she is dating. You spent intimate time with him, and you were with him all those times she was upset at my house wondering why he was blowing her off." The thought of Jess being upset over him while I'm out laying under the stars at his side only made me feel worse.

"But shouldn't she know?" I tried, but Sarah shook her head.

"After she gets over the hurt, she's going to be so angry. She will never forgive you, and all of the things we love to go do as friends would be over. She would never be your friend anymore after this. You know that is the truth just as much as I do."

I leaned back in the leather booth, my shoulders slumping forward. "So what you're saying is you and Macy wouldn't be my friends anymore either?"

Sarah sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose to keep from furrowing her brows and causing wrinkles. "That's not true, but at the same time, we will both have to pick a side and we won't ever be able to all hang out together again. We'll be splitting time between you both."

As much as it hurt to know, she was telling the truth. Macy, Sarah, and Jessica have all been friends longer than I've been friends with any of them. If Jessica and I really did have a falling out, Macy and Sarah would be in the middle of it all. I could risk losing all of my few friends over a mistake I made with a guy who is only a friend.

That reminder of his disinterested face this morning only made me want to cry even more. I could have ruined my whole life because I let myself fall for a guy who will never look at me the way I look at him. I don't know how I got in so deep without realizing that I was giving Hunter parts of my heart that now I'll never get back. Everything about him draws you in, but I had really convinced myself that he was opening up to me too. My face burned when I thought of our drunken night last night. I would have given him everything, and then in the morning he still would have left me crying in my car.