Before You

Chapter Twenty Two.

            I wanted to throw the phone back down on the bed and pretend that I'm not bothered, but that would be impossible and I think lying to myself too at this point would be a little over kill.

Instead I held onto my phone, rereading his message over and over, turning the words over in my mind and trying to dissect the meaning behind them. Why would he say I'm the only one he cares about saying goodbye to? It's like he knows what to say to break me down when I'm trying to be strong.

Nice Ass: Come on Tayler. Why are you mad at me??

I wiped my eyes. As if that answer isn't obvious. But then again, maybe it isn't.

Tay: I'm not mad at you. I just don't want to come.

Nice Ass: I really don't understand what I did.

Nice Ass: I just want to see you before I have to go. Everyone is about to leave, it would just be the two of us. I want to talk to you. Please.

Tay: I'm sorry but I just can't do this with you. I can't handle it anymore. I think you can guess why, and that isn't your fault that I feel this way, but I can't be around you. I hope that you stay safe and I hope you have the great life that you deserve.

Before I'd even had time to exit the messages Hunter was already calling me. I hit ignore and turned off my phone, needing to take the temptation to answer him away. There isn't anything I can think of wanting more than to get dressed right now and go straight to his apartment to spend what little time with him I have left, but I can't. I can't continue to put myself in a position to fall harder for a guy who can't be serious about me.

Lying in bed and thinking about it, I felt horrible that I was pushing him away when he was such a good friend to me, and I know how much he needs a real friend. It really isn't his fault that any of this has happened. My pushing him away is probably coming completely from left field to him. We've both said from the beginning that we are just friends. He never said or acted like that had changed, so I don't know why I had been so curt with him all because I had gone and fallen for him. He didn't ask me to do that.

My feelings started to feel conflicted again.

Maybe I should just go. Plus, I still had that card from his mother to think about. Hunter has never been anything but good to me, but then again, he did just blow me off for days and only started begging for my attention right before he's about to leave.

I pushed out of the bed and went into my bathroom, digging out my sleeping pills that I save for sleeping emergencies and I popped them into my mouth before I went back to get into the bed. No decision made right now will be a good one. I can't go to him, knowing now how I feel about him. I need to just stay away.

The pills lulled me under, taking away all my worries and thoughts of Hunter.

I woke up to a banging on my bedroom door.

I rolled over and looked at the clock, my mind heavy from the pills. It was only seven in the morning, well before anyone should have been bothering me.

With led legs I stumbled over, unlocking the door.

"What?" I snapped when I found Sarah glaring at me.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips. "I've been calling you for hours."

I backed up, letting her come in and I collapsed back on my bed. "What's wrong?" I mumbled, still feeling a little under the fog.