~The Things I've Written When No One Was Looking~

Last Good-bye

Just because I smile does't mean I'm happy. Just because I say I'm all right does not mean "I'm okay." I guess I'm just that complex? I'm confusing and, often or not, I would rather be alone than with people. I was that loner, that freak that no one ever really wanted to hang out with, but I guess that was okay because I got to meet someone special. For some odd reason this amazing guy, who was cold and distant to everyone, went up to that little freaky girl who sat in a corner all by herself everyday and sat next to her one day.

He took his time and made chit-chat, here and there, in between their silences that had always been kept to themselves. For the first time someone attempted to be nice to that girl. He was kind and actually took the time to talk to her. That loner girl gained her first friend. Had found the joy in another's company. A feeling she had not known before.

That girl started smiling more often, something that was of a rarity of it's own kind, especially when the boy did a sweet gesture that seemed to melt her lonely heart. Now she's so thankful for everything he did, because without him she would still be that kid in the corner all by herself with no one to be with; that freakish girl was me, and that boy was you.

I never noticed before, but with each increasing day of getting to know each other, my feelings had started to change towards you. It was different somehow. Every morning I would wake up looking forward to school, and, no, O don't like school. I just felt excited at the thought of talking to you, giving me this warm fuzzy feeling every time I saw you like a cheesy romantic thought of a girl's chick lit.

At night I would smile at those little memories of you scrunching your nose in distaste when I mentioned how Mrs. Arkol ranted on about her clothes or how you had that habit of making those ridiculously hilarious faces when you got nervous. Those memories made me laugh as they played through my head. They were precious, and I love them and will always cherish them, but now I must say good-bye, and I just wanted to tell you something that I never had the guts to say to you face to face. Thank you so much for everything, and I love you.

Love,

Talia

I read the letter once more over as I let her confession sink into my mind. Talia was gone...She had passed away the night before from cancer and had left this left this letter to a nurse to give to me. If only we could go back in time. Told her I had loved her sooner. I closed my eyes as I felt tears streaming down my face at a steady pace. One tear after another sliding down my cheek and onto the letter and blotching up the words till it was just a blur of blue ink from the pen she had used. The good-bye she had written had a note of finality in it like the end of a song. My one and only regret was that it was too late. Too late to say "good mornings and see you tomorrow's" and "I love you's" and the final farewell.