Words That Have No Meaning

Fuck You

I made you angry. That was your excuse as to why you didn't speak to me for months. I had a night of pure bliss. Except it wasn't all fun and laughs. I was taken advantage of and I hurt you. After I lost her I started losing myself. I gave up on everything. Even myself. I saw you having such a good time. You were making new friends. Having good times. Making memories. I was envious. Things just always seemed to come so naturally for you. I just wanted to be part of that. I wanted to be like you. Slowly and slowly we were growing apart. We were becoming different people. I started self medicating with drugs and alcohol because they made me feel something other than pain. And anything was better than that. I started to hang out with people who didn't care about me. All they cared about was having a good time. I was so tired. I was tired of sitting around with the same people every weekend getting high and drunk. I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I was tired of only having blurry memories of the night before and never sober, genuine ones. I was tired of looking in the mirror and being disgusted at my reflection. I was tired of being tired. I missed you so much. But how could I pop up out of the blue? You were doing so well. Without me. I became something I wasn't. I submitted myself to things I hated doing, so I would have friends. Never did I think I would be surrounded by so many people and feel as lonely as I did. I'd never felt emptier in my life. All I wanted to do was call you. Text you. Cry to you. But you weren't there. And that's my fault. But you don't just stop talking to someone who you've been through hell and back with. I was depressed and I was pushing you away. You should've known that. But you didn't care to ask. How desperately I wanted you to ask. You can't just stop speaking to someone who you're suppose to love unconditionally. But you did. I never gave up on you. I always believed in you. I always helped you fight even the toughest of battles. Because I loved you. Even in your darkest moments. I know it was never a perfect relationship. But it was perfect to me. Flaws and all. I will always wonder how you gave up on me so easily. But I guess something's are better left unanswered.