Words That Have No Meaning

"i miss you"

I need to give you up. I need to move on. I need to experience new things. And I can't do that if you're in my life. And nothing breaks my heart more than having to say that. And I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing this for you too. It's just not healthy. The relationship or friendship or whatever fucked up thing we have going on is crazy and it's not good for either of us. We're not good for each other. And it sucks because all I want to do is hug you and kiss you. And I want to go for late night drives with you. I want to go to the skate park with you and watch you do all kinds of crazy tricks. I want to stay up late and talk about what we want to do when we're older or what we think is going to happen in fifty years from now. Or what else could be out there in this galaxy and the millions of others. I want to fall asleep on the phone with you and just know you're there. I want to wake up with you in bed and hear you talk in your sleepy voice. I want to do everything with you and only you. And it just hurts so fucking much. Because I can't have that with you. And I don't want to have that with anyone else either. I thought as long as I had you in my life things would be okay. But it only makes things worse. So I guess this is goodbye. And I never knew a goodbye would hurt as much as this one does.

- A letter to the boy I was never able to have