DenNor: Purpose [BxB]

Chapter 4

[Matthias]

Days pass, monotone, between class and home, hanging out with my friends and studying until so late it is almost early. Some days I even get anxiety attacks because of all the caffeine I have ingested. That's weird, I thought I had got a hold on my anxiety issue in high school; apparently it was just sleeping and making me think I had got rid of it just to attack me now. What a great time to do it!
Lukas is not hanging out with us much, probably he's busy too, with studying, or helping his brothers. Damn you, exam period.

And guess what is even worse?
Today is the day of the exam, I've got something like... a couple hours of sleep, but at least I remember most of the topics. Maybe.
I sit at my place, get ready, and start as soon as the professor says so.

Three hours of agony pass quicker than they should.
I get out of the class, sure of my doom, internally screaming.

What was I thinking about?! I'm sure I went off topic with all that paragraph. I'm dead. I'm so dead. And what about that one sentence... I know I wrote it wrong! I'm going to fail this and have the shame hang over my head for the rest of my living days! Where do I think I'm going, wanting to save lives but not being able to write an essay?

Come on, when I think of me in the future, I always see myself as someone with a minimum of reliablity, who knows how to speak to people on many different levels and who takes care of their health.
Well, not now.
Now I see myself more depending on Berwald to go on with life, which is pretty much my situation in this period of my life, since he is the one who brings home the bacon at our place and I can't find a decent part-time job.

Am I doomed?
Yes. Yes I am.

[Lukas]

Yet another gloomy, boring day made of classes and work.
I wander in the corridors, tired after the umpteenth class. I am not in the mood to deal with anybody now, I just want to have a cup of coffee or two, or ten, go home and have some rest.
These days have been so harsh... my routine has become even worse than before, with shifts at work, studying entire books overnight, eating poorly and taking little care of my relationships with people. I have to admit I've been checking on my brothers rarely, and I've hung out with Matthias and his friends just once, in the canteen, and all I got was a tremendous anxiety headache.

Anyway, while I'm walking, something pretty unusual catches my eye.
I don't remember the university's Art Day being in early February.
Oh wait, it's not!
Then, why the hell is Matthias recreating one of Munch's paintings out of a class?
We will probably never know.

One of his friends, the blonde quarterback, runs into me and drops his bag. He was probably running to football practice and he didn't see me in his way.
«Sorry, dude.» he says, fixing his glasses.
«Don't worry.» I tell him, then glance at Matthias and his ridiculous pose and continue: «What is he doing?»
He stares at his friend, shrugs and raises his shoulders.
«No idea, - he says - probably he thinks he failed his exam.»
Another voice, a masculine, yet delicate one with a French accent, comes from behind the blue-eyed guy: «Is he doing the thing again?»
«Apparently yes, Francis.» the other answers.
«The... thing?» I ask, a little confused.
Francis peeks from behind his friend, greets me with a small nod and a smile, then explains: «Matthias is always terrified he's going to fail every exam he takes. He does that unflattering pose everytime he finishes one and lives with anxiety until the results come out. Then he discovers he got an A and goes back to default happy Matthias.»
«I understand, we talked once about our purposes and he takes his very seriously.» I comment.
«He sure does, but he gets a bit overdramatic when he does this.» Francis says.
«Coming from you, Francis...» his friend says between laughter.
«Alfred, shut up. That is the truth.» he snaps back, hitting him lightly.
«Hey! Who'd you call overdramatic?» Matthias yells with his signature weird high-pitched voice from the other side of the corridor.
We all laugh at his sudden outburst. Alfred runs away, yelling that he's late for football practice, then Francis leaves too, hiding his laughter with a hand in front of his mouth.
«Did those two tell you all sorts of bad things about me?» Matthias asks.
«No, no. Just explsined me why you were imitating Munch's The Scream.»
He turns bright red and mutters a "sorry".
«Listen, I feel like I have to apologize for not hanging out with you and the others that much.» I tell him.
«It's fine. I guess you were busy too?»
I nod and sigh and he completely understands the situation.
He gives me a pat me on a shoulder, to which I stiffen a little, since I'm not the biggest fan of physical contact, wishes me good luck for my upcoming exam, then heads to the canteen.
I guess I'll join him and his friends later, if I have some time.