DenNor: Purpose [BxB]

Chapter 6

[Lukas]

I think I know something about you you wouldn't want me to know.
Tomorrow, 3 PM, cafeteria.
Care to vent?

Just when I had begun to start thinking that my life was finally going well, this text ruins everything.

He knows.

He knows the cool person he had oh so wanted to befriend is actually a person that does not even have a purpose of life.
I feel the weight of the world collapsing on me and hitting me in the chest.
Quickly, I answer:

Sorry. I'm busy tomorrow.

His reply arrives immediately.

Oh... okay. See you around uni.

Sure. If I manage not to die of shame.
I knew that trying to get his attention that way would have lead to him discovering... that. How stupid of me.
In a fit of rage against myself, I hit my desk and drop some things.

«Brother? Was your first day out after centuries okay?» Kristin asks, peeking into my room, slightly worried.
«Sure.» I answer.
«Liar. Why have you wrecked your desk?»
«Not your business.»
At my vehement answer, she shrugs, just walks away and yells to Emil, in Icelandic, something along the lines of "It was an absolute failure".
I prefer not to say anything to that.

Yet again, I sit down at my messier than before desk, mad at myself and at the untidiness that, ironically enough, I created, and feeling anxiety tighten my chest in a strong grip, shortening my breath and making cold sweat run down my back.
Words of regret and shame keep screaming inside of my head and no matter how much I try to stay calm and get a hold on myself, they won't stop.

I regret trying to open up to Matthias and the others. I regret lying about myself to everyone. I regret going to that game.

I try distracting myself and sketching, but that does not seem to be of help, my thoughts and the noise of the city's night life coming from outside my window are still too loud. Those sounds, for some reason, instead of annoying me like they usually do, attract me.

I stand in front of the window, looking out. I can see my whole neighbourhood from here. Most lights are still on, since it's not that late. Some cars pass on the street from time to time, most with little to no noise, but one, driven by a girl who lives in my same block of flats that should be around my age; when another driver turns in front of her car to park without using their blinker, you see this girl, who's also very well known for her savage behaviour, peek out from the car yelling: "NEW YEAR, NEW YOU, USE YOUR FUCKING BLINKER". When the other scoffs at her, she drives past them, probably telling them to piss off, and all you can hear is the low hum of the city, and I restart thinking.

Will something ever not go wrong?

[Matthias]

See you around uni.

It's been almost a month, Spring has come, the sun has restarted looking warm and pleasing, nature in general began living again, but Lukas never came to stay with me and the others; I have seen him very few times too, and he didn't look okay at all.

I feel the need to say sorry to him, probably I shouldn't have mentioned that topic...

«Matthias?»
«...»
«Matthias, are you okay?»
«I don't think he's even breathing.»
«OH MY GOD, I KNEW IT, THAT WASN'T SUGAR»
«What was it then? Poison? Not everything is a conspiracy, Antonio.»
«Or is it?!»
«Stay calm. He's probably just spacing out.»
«In my opinion he's on drugs.»
«Move over, lady and gentlemen.»