Lifesaver

two

DAN'S POV

I've been scrolling through tumblr for hours now, but the amount of notifications is overwhelming. I want to answer to everyone of them but i just dont have the time, or the mental health, or the advice some of these people need. They all think that i know everything of life itself, that i somehow know how to get over a breakup, how to make your mother proud, how to learn a new instrument. Im just 25 years old, i dont know everything. 

I started my youtube channel because i wanted to share my life with someone else, because Phil incentivate me to follow my dreams, and somehow my audience think that i have that responsability now with them. Im not Phil, im not a sunshine, im not positive, im not as convincing as he was. No, im not Phil. Im Dan, Dan the goth, Dan the "always wear black", Dan the existencial crisis guy. Phil is the one who solve problems, all i can do i cause them.

I somehow manage to enter to my tumblr inbox, not really thinking what i was doing, and started reading what people send me. Some were asking for advice like "my boyfriend ditch me how can i make him pay", some were just asking when is going to be another video, some were complimenting my piano video. But one conversation caught my eye.

walkinthemoonlight chat

walkinthemoonlight: Hi! How was your day?

walkinthemoonlight: Yesterday I fall asleep to you playing the piano, i havent sleep in days, so thank you for your talent

walkinthemoonlight: Dont you think the starting melody of 7 years by Lukas Graham is quite similar to Ingenue? 

I searched the two songs inmediatly only to discover that this person was completly right. I would totally demand Lukas Graham. Anyway, this conversation was different from the others. She wasnt asking for anything, she wasnt complimenting me in any way, he was just talking to me, like we were friends. I liked that.

walkinthemoonlight: i draw you, its your face against a galaxy of blue, violet and black

walkinthemoonlight: let me know if you want me to send it to you

walkinthemoonlight: how are you doing lately?

walkinthemoonlight: ive been having some existencial crisis you know, and panic attacks

walkinthemoonlight: your music actually helps me calm down a bit

walkinthemoonlight: maybe you can upload more piano videos? 

The conversation ended there. I was impressed, did she just asked me how i was doing? I recognize that tone, its not the "How you doing?" Joey's style, its not the casual "how are you?", its a concern question, is the one you ask to someone you know have been struggling with some shit. I started reading some things that she previously send me, this girl was extremely confident with me, she told me about all her problems, bullying, house problems, depression. There was a period of time though that she didnt write to me, she started again like a year ago with a "its been a while, how've you been doing?"

danisnotonfire: hey! ive been fine lately, not too much existencial crisis whatsoever. 

danisnotonfire: would you mind telling me your name?

danisnotonfire: i will upload to my side channel some music ive been practising

danisnotonfire: How are you doing?

danisnotonfire: my name is Dan btw, im 25 and i live in London

Great Dan, really smooth, it looks like you are chatting in Omegle. Well, its send, so it doesnt matter. Maybe this girl will answer me soon. But after half an hour i had no response from this misterious girl. I decided i was going to sleep, she was probably busy, or maybe she wasnt from London so she had other times. 

The truth is, i didnt sleep that night.