THE SHOOTING

Chapter 3

Callie

     I want to hate her because of how bad she hurt me. Even though I am the one who broke up with her, the fact that she could just dismiss my dream that I have had my whole life just so she can have her little vacation and a sangria. I thought we were soul mates. I thought we would be together forever. If she had ever loved me the way I love her she could have never done this to us. What she did has been slowly killing me for the past few days and every time I see her it is like the pain gets worse and the process of killing me speeds up and I feel closer to death. I feel empty with out her in my life. I want to hate her, but I just can't. Every time I think that I hate her, her face pops up in my head with that super, magic smile and I know that I still love her. At this point I have given up on trying to get over her. She will always be the love of my life and there will never be anyone else. But I still can't bring myself to ask for her to come back to me. I have time, right? She will still be there when I am ready. She has to be.

     What if she is not? How will I go on? What if I wait too long and she ends up leaving for good? No, if we are meant to be together then we will be. I don't deserve that. If she can't wait for me then I don't want to be with her because if she really loved me then she would wait for me to be ready. 

     All of my confusions and questions for her fill my head every second of every day and I can't stop them. I can't focus on anything. I get a page to the Peds floor and mentally groan. Now I have to see her again. Why does she have to be so perfect in so many ways? That is the only question that fills my head as I start to make my way to the elevators.

     The elevator doors open in front of me and all I see is a beautiful blonde head and sparkling eyes. I use all of my self control to not lunge and kiss her right here.

     My pager goes off and I silently hope that it is some one calling me away from her so I won't give into my urge to have a make out session in the middle of the Peds hallway.

     Lock down? Why would we be in lock down? It is probably just a drill. Everyone else's pager has gone off and now every one is crowded around the nurses station waiting for directions. I look into her eyes and she automatically glares at me and turns around. I think she realized I was avoiding her. She is pissed. I can't really blame her though cause we did agree to be friends. I should be happy that she hates me because it makes it easier for me to move on. Still it hurt. Bad.

     "People, people." She calls out. "We are on lock down. I don't know why or for how long. What I do know is that none of us can leave the floor. No one goes in or out those double doors. Got it?" She says pointing to the double doors about 30 feet to my right. Every one nods their heads except for me. I just stare at her.

     Why do I have to be stuck here? Of all the places on this hospital I just have to be stuck on the same floor as her. We make I contact again, but this time I am the one to glare and look away. I have to make her hate me. She marches over to me. "Do you really hate me so much that you can't stand to be on the same floor?" She questions in her angry tone that I learned very quickly when we were dating was dangerous. After I had heard that voice the first time I knew I never wanted to hear it again.

     "Yeah," I say although it kills me. "I do." I try to turn around and walk away before I start to break down. I hate being rude to her. She deserves all the respect and kindness in the world, but it can't be me giving it to her anymore.

     "I can't believe you." She says and she sends me a death glare as she turns around to walk away. I watch the back of her beautiful blonde head until it turns the corner, out of my sight. She never even looked back.