THE SHOOTING

The talk

Callie

As we walk I try to keep as much of my body in front of Arizona's just in case a bullet ends up coming our way.  I hardly blink,  afraid I will miss something and she will be hurt. We walk fast,  but cautiously towards the patient room on the floor. "Callie" I hear Arizona call.
"Yeah?" I answer but I don't turn around.
"Callie" She calls again. This time I turn. "You don't have to be my body guard you know. I can take care of myself."
"I know you can, I just don't want to take any chances. We have no idea where the shooter is. If they is close or if they are already gone." I start to panicked again all of the possible scenarios running through my head.
"I'm fine Callie." She looks right in my eyes as she talks.  "Nothing is going to happen to me."
I hear her words but I don't process them. What if she isn't right?  What if something does happen? What if she dies? I can't let that happen. I feel my eyes welling up with tears again. All I can picture is her lying in a casket as it is lowered into the ground. My breathing gets faster and louder the longer I'm stuck in my mind. As my head starts to cloud with dizziness I feel her grab my arm and lead us into a supply closet to our left. She sits me down on the floor as she kneels in front of me one hand on my shoulder the other holding her phone up to her ear. "Hi Anne, I need you to start being all the kids down into the playroom." She pauses for a second. "Get the other nurses to help you.  There is an emergency and I have something I need to take care of." She hangs up the phone and places that hand on my other shoulder. "Callie breathe with me." She breathes in and out slowly and I mimick her the best I can.  Before I know it my breathing has slowed and my eyes have stopped watering. "Okay now talk to me." Her eyes have that worried look in them,  but she also looks confused.
"I just can't," I pause and take a deep breath. "I can't stop thinking that something bad is going to happen to you. I don't know what I would do if you got hurt." She looks shocked for a minute then confused again.
"This is gonna sound really rude,  but I don't know how else to say it Callie." She hesitates for a second her eyes scan over my face like she is trying to analyze what I am saying. "Why do you care?" Her words hurt but the tone of her voice is gentle,  like she is not trying to hurt me with the question she is just trying to understand.
"I-" I start,  but how do I explain this to her? How do I explain that I tried as hard as I could to make her hate me. She gives me a look as if to say well, why? "I still love you." I blurt it out just like that. She is shocked. The look on her face tells me that much. "I love you Arizona. I never stopped. I know we want different things,  but that doesn't change that I can't live without you. I love you."
Eyes wide,  she stares at me. As if she is trying to figure out if I'm making it up or not.  "I-" She stops for a second. "Callie,  I love you so much,  but I don't get it. You have been walking around like you hate me all day. We agreed to be friends. I just don't get it Callie. "
Hearing her say that she loves me makes my heart flutter out of my chest. "I just thought it would be easier if you hated me. Because then no matter how much I wanted to be with you or kiss you it wouldn't be an option because you wouldn't allow it if you hated me." I explain to her as best as I can. "I love you, but I thought I couldn't be with you so seeing you everyday was so hard.  I just thought it would be easier."
When I'm finished she has tears in her eyes and she wraps her arms around me. Butterflies rise in my stomach as we hold each other like we will never get the chance again.