𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐑 ❱ 𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐔

sixteen.

dazai had all the emotions of a concrete. there was no anger, no sadness, no joy or resentment.

he never even appeared bored as he sat near the window, that at least would have been something. for all the presence he brought to the room he might as well have been a store mannequin.

"are you okay dazai?" you furrowed your eyebrows as you tapped his shoulder.

"yeah just thinking." dazai leaned forward against the dusty wall, feet pushed far back, and exhaling multiple sighs.

"are you hiding something from me?" you poked his face, pestering him. his eyebrows twitched in what seemed to be irritation and you smiled slightly at the reaction.

"i am." he yawned out and turned his head to the side.

"i see..." you muttered out dejectedly.

now the silence laid on your skin like a poison. it seeped into your blood and paralyzed your brain. your pupils became dilated and there was a tremor in your hands. his face was one of awkwardness, not even hurrying to tell you what was weighing on his mind. the void was a cruelty he inflicted unintentionally.

"hey dazai why did you have the smell of a woman the other day?" you questioned trying to quickly change the sudden topic, but also feeling a bit curious and a tad jealous.

"ah some girl thought i was santa claus and decided to sit on my lap so i punched her because hoe hoe hoe." he reassured you as he did his famous finger guns with a smirk.

"was she pretty..?" you mumbled feeling quite self-conscious.

"she was." he stated in a matter of fact, not really noticing how much that hurt you a little.

"o-oh." you chuckled nervously, feeling a clutter of emotions; envy, jealousy, and awkwardness.

his eyes were directly staring into yours, only making you feel more tense. his eyes were fused in a mixture of confusion and curiosity. the only time his gaze breaks is when you turn your head away from his.

when you regained your composure, you turned back to him and kept a calm face despite the bitterness welling up in you.

he stared at you for a moment before pinching the bridge of his nose with a harsh groan, causing you to flinch.

"why are you jealous?" he crossed his arms and you stared in shock.

"how do you know if i'm jealous?" you gritted your teeth in denial.

"my girlfriend intuition." he stared rather bluntly but the statement itself almost made you laugh.

intuition was the act of reading another person "like a book." although it would never be thought as something simple.

people make it sound like you can just look at someone and know exactly what they are thinking at all times but that can't be the case, can it?

"how do you know your intuition is correct?" you scoffed out a little baffled, but more surprised.

"have you ever heard that the eyes are a window to the soul but they aren't just a hole in a wall? but i suppose nobody can really know, maybe that is a good thing or maybe it's a curse." he shrugged with a laugh before sternly gazing at you.

"the thing is for sure- humans are complicated and amazing creatures, so don't even try to look through the window until you can walk through the door. but i'm your boyfriend so you had already granted me that access." he smiled in triumph as you stared agape.

"now she was pretty on the outside but fucking disgusting in the inside." he shivered in fear before clearing his throat to continue.

"you're pretty, yes, but that's just based on appearance and i didn't fall in love with you because you're simply appealing to the eyes." he walked up to you and sat down near you, making your heart beat fast due to the tension.

"it's just that you deserve so much more and i'm-"

"not good enough? unworthy?" he cut you off abruptly and you nodded shortly, feeling ashamed.

"you know i too love your existence itself. i think it's the most beautiful thing to exist and you're the epitome of perfection." he managed to choke out through the stumbling of words.

"i'm not really that fond of love or had experienced it so i'm sorry if i don't express myself clearly but i love you, i really do." he said as he inched his face closer to yours, eyes staring you down.

"it's okay i know and i love you too-"

"don't say anything..." he inhaled and then exhaled sharply.

"i'm going to say some really embarrassing things so listen up." he pointed at you as his eyebrows twitched.

"i love you like the nascent leaves of spring love warmth. i love you like the ancients loved the night sky. i love you like a cool draught of water on a summers day. i-" he bit his lip in frustration as he couldn't find the right words to say but you were already beat red and flushed by that statement alone.

"i love you and you alone so please don't feel unworthy or jealous of something like that." he finally breathed out roughly and you just nodded feeling overwhelmed at the sudden confession.

he held your hand up to his face and sighed in satisfaction as he had finally expressed himself to the best of his abilities. a smile spread across his face, as if he had won the lottery, but better; it was something much more important than that.

you then proceeded to hug him at the lost of words. inching your nose a little nearer to his neck, you breathed in his scent which was nothing like the woman's scent the other day, who had a hint of strong perfume and tobacco smoke lingering.

in fact, his scent was so much more exotic; he consisted of a scent that represented freshly cut timber, like the damp forest after a rainy day. he smelt heavenly, like fresh-scented pine and honey. his aroma was like a drug to you, you couldn't get enough of it as you nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

at the contact of your cheek against his neck, he started giggling, a thing he did a lot when he felt happy. you could have sworn that even the birds shut up to hear his beautiful laughter emerging and filling the air with gorgeous sounds coming from deep his chest, composing what could possibly turn into your favorite song.

he then collapsed tiredly onto the wooden tiled floor and had an eye-crinkling smile as you followed him. those small little actions made your heart flutter like you were falling in love over and over again with no stopping.

"hey~" dazai poked at your cheeks playfully and you couldn't help but smile.

"what is it~?" you hummed out as he switched actions to instead brush his thumb across your cheek and smile softly.

you loved it when he touched you- not in a sexual way, never anywhere other than your face, hands, and hair. his warmth would seep into your being and comforted you without ever opening his mouth.

he tilted your chin and leaned closer until your lips connected with his. there was something so heavenly about that kiss, a tender moment that just won't wait. it is that burst of love that is expressed in comfort to one's insecurities and doubts. it is a connection that shows the strength of the feeling, the mutual need.

he then leaned his forehead on top of yours and graced his thumb across your lips and smiled.

"i love you."