Dear Love

Dear Weiss

I'm on the road to Mistral. I have currently packed a suitcase full of dust and my rapier, of course.  A change of a few clothes and some paper, just the essentials. I'm sure the ship will be stopping soon to find something to eat before we get to Mistral - these guys do work pretty hard, after all. But I'll be too concentrated on getting to my destination and wondering if someone else has made it okay to Mistral to be concentrated on eating anything at all. I'm not even that hungry. 

But you already knew that. 

I'm writing a self-addressed letter again because as I'm sitting here on the surprisingly smooth ride that is the airship, I find it's time for another self-reflection. I've got time and I've gotten bored of looking out the window in the cargo hold out at the sky - I know, how could anyone become bored of that? Apparently, I can become very bored of it. 

What about this time? What do I find I need to speak with you about, Weiss? Oh that's right - something that I promised would never be ignored again, something that I promised I would try my best to break the habit of shoving them down and away from my consciousness. Something I promised I would recognize now and do something about it - I'm here to warn you that that habit is going to take a while to break, if it breaks at all. But know that I will be trying my best not to ignore you ever again, the me inside me that harbors all my feelings, my true feelings about the people I know and the world I live in - even if I don't act on you ever, just know that I know you're there. 

I suppose I should quit stalling and get to the point - all this feelings talk is overwhelmingly stupid - but I guess, it's something that needs to be said and in retrospect, one's feelings are really never that stupid. I feel like I'm turning into Ruby, who's all about feelings and acting on how and what she feels. Or worse, Yang, whose semblance is basically her anger. I don't want to shiver because I don't want to mess up this letter I'm writing, but I did it internally. 

What is this you're feeling Weiss? What's going on inside? Why are you so impatient and excited to get to Mistral? Why are you so nervous and almost sort of dreading making it to Mistral? What is all of this you're experiencing all at once, despite trying your best to keep your composure? I just don't comprehend it - Mistral is the most logical place I should be. After all, it's where Winter will be, and I know I can always find solace within her. But... the other... 

Ruby. She said she was headed to Mistral too, I wonder if she got there okay. I wonder if she's still searching for help for her Uncle Qrow. I wonder if she's lying injured somewhere or worse - those wretched people caught up to her and managed to take her, despite everyone's best efforts. Ugh, this is so maddening - not being able to be there to protect her. If I was there, I wouldn't have failed so miserably at letting them take her - I would have put up a fight and if they had managed to subdue my efforts, I would stop at nothing to find her, tell her to stop at nothing fighting back against them, and to wait because I'd be there shortly, wherever 'there' would be. But, I suppose Jaune isn't as capable at protecting her as he is at protecting himself and his team. 

My focus isn't on Jaune and his surprisingly good strategic mind - or his lame way of protecting people in battle. It's on her - Ruby. I've always been referred to as the 'ice queen' or 'snowflake' or 'snow angel', I would suppose that would make sense seeing as how my last name means 'snow', literally. But.. other people have reassured me it's because I'm quite cold and there's a disconnect from my feelings and who I am and how I react to things. Every now and again you'll get a flare up, but those are rare and usually never good - and if this is true, forgetting what everyone else says, I've always sort of kind of thought of Ruby as the rose that blooms in my wintertime. She's stuck with me from the very beginning. Even when I pushed her away and really stressed the clear fact that I didn't want to be her friend, she persisted, and even more so than that WANTED to be my friend. She became my partner, and despite really not being happy that I was on a team with her, being jealous of her status as our leader, having no faith in her as our leader, she never thought differently of me. She never called me stupid, or as Blake put it, a 'judgmental little girl'. She never called me names, she never saw me any differently. She just... accepted me for who I was and though she could think I was perhaps a bit cold, she knew I probably wasn't doing it on purpose.