Poison (Criminal Minds)

Chapter Three

 Derek carried his own weight along with the coffin. The weight of his guilt. He could have gotten there faster, or not let Reid leave in the first place. Anything.

When he dropped his white rose on the lid, he could feel the tears start. And crying was not something Derek Morgan did a lot. He tried not to make a habit of it, but this was a special case.

He hadn't seen the body. He couldn't bear it. As far as he knew, none of them had seen it. But he had seen Reid bleeding into the ground, and it was not hard to believe that the poor kid was dead. Derek just didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to be here.

When he got in the car to drive to the BAU, he could barely see the road through the tears. Still, he made it safely. The rest of the team arrived around the same time he did. There were so few of them left. Derek wondered if they'd continue to die. Then he got mad at himself for wondering. He didn't even want to think about losing JJ, or Hotch, or Garcia, or Rossi.

They met in the briefing room. Derek didn't want to talk about either of the two cases, but he had to. He had to solve this one.

“We need a profile” JJ said. She was rolling a pen cap around on the table, and just that simple motion made Derek want to cry. Emily did that. And then Hotch was talking, pointing with his pen the way Spencer used to. Crazy, how the team picked up gestures from each other. Derek stood up suddenly.

“I need some air” he said, and he pushed past the door angrily. Nobody followed him, but he realized that in the middle of the bullpen, he would never be alone. There was nowhere he could go that was private. They'd look for him in his office, eventually.

His brother was dead. Reid was dead. The two sentences meant the same thing, he realized. And Emily was dead. His sister. He missed them both so much, it was like he couldn't breath when he thought of it. He didn't want to think or feel. It hurt too much.

“Hey, Morgan” called someone from behind him. Garcia. He wondered why she hadn't used any of her normal witty comments. “Are you okay?” He heard the tremor in her voice this time, and it made sense. She had been crying, too. It occurred to him, then, that the others missed Reid and Prentiss as much as he did. He felt bad for storming out on them.

“I'll be okay, Garcia” he said. “Eventually.” She had reached his side by then, and she put an arm around his waist.

“I know” she told him, and he looked at her and took in wet eyes and smeared makeup. It was hitting her and the others hard, too. He had to remember that. “You ready to go back?” she asked, and then he realized that the others had sent her to get him. Of course. She was the one person that could convince him right now.

“Sure” he said, and they made their way back to the briefing room together.

–

The man walked in circles. He was unhappy. Li could tell. “Sir,” she began tentatively. He stopped dead in his tracks and fixed her with a fierce look.

“I'm thinking, Li” he growled. “Don't interrupt me when I'm thinking.” He resumed pacing. Li began to regret taking this job at all.

“I thought you might want to know that the hostage is awake” she said, her voice filled with hostility. He didn't seem to notice her attitude. He stopped walking again, but this time he looked happy.

“Good. I'll deal with him” he replied. “You, get in position.”

“Yeah, Commander” Li said sarcastically. “You haven't been telling me that for the past twenty minutes.”

“Then do it!” he snapped. She sighed, and then left him to the empty room, to continue the mission.

–