after sunset | ᴮᵀˢ × ᴶᴴˢ

一

As I opened my eyes the sun was already rising behind the horizon. It was beautiful to look at. Different shades of pink crazed over the sky and caused the few clouds to look like beautifully colored cotton candy.

I knew I should show some kind of emotion while looking at it in awe, but I didn't know what emotion would have fit. I surely loved to look at it, but then again: what is love?

I jumped a little when I suddenly felt a hand on my right shoulder. For a moment I was afraid somebody was going to pull me away from the rising sun, from its beauty and its warmth, but as I turned around to look at the intruder, I found nothing but a warm smile and the feeling of content flooding my body.

He looked at me with those soft eyes, dimples on his cheeks as he smiled. his gaze never left my face once, he didn't want to look at anything but me, and I couldn't bring myself to look away either. I didn't want to. I couldn't tell why, but I knew there was something on his mind, something was troubling him. The feeling that I knew him didn't leave me, but I was too afraid to ask, too afraid he would turn away and leave me alone.

Suddenly I couldn't stay under the sun all on my own. I needed him with me. I couldn't let him leave me, so instead of asking him who he was, I decided to ask him the only other question on my mind at that time.

"Who am I?"

He continued to smile at me, and then I felt the way he turned me towards him, making me face him. Both of his hands were on my shoulders, I loved the warm feeling of them. He as a whole shared some kind of warmth that only the sun could compete with.

"You're Hoseok." he said. I really liked his voice, it was deep, soothing. He continued to gift me his soft smile and I felt myself losing in his eyes.

"Hoseok." I repeated. That was my name. Hoseok was who I was, but what makes me be me? I didn't know, but I was sure with his help I would find out, remember.

I felt the sun rising behind me as my back started to feel warmer. I took a look past him, noticing how the city around me got more and more illuminated by the light the sun shared with the world. It was beautiful to look at. I membered he was always smiling at me, so I decided to copy him, try to smile as well.

I smiled, and it felt good. I then felt his hands on my cheeks, caressing them with his thumbs. I like the feeling of his soft hands against my skin, I liked the feeling that blossomed inside me and I closed my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy the warmth that was surrounding me. I suddenly felt his forehead against mine, and his breathe on my skin. I dared to open my eyes for a moment, just to notice his eyes were closed too. I closed mine again, knowing he enjoyed this just as much as I did.

Was this love?

"Namjoon." He suddenly muttered. For a second I didn't know what was going on, but soon I understood it must have been his name. He told me his name. He knew I didn't know who he was, and in that moment I was so thankful. Thankful that he was here, here with me. Thankful that he told me my name and thankful for him letting me know what his name was.

I still didn't know what made me be me, or what made Namjoon who he was, but our names were a beginning.

I still didn't know what love was, but the warmth Namjoon shared with me like the sun in my back was a beginning.

I knew there was a possibility that I would never understand, but it was okay. Namjoon was here, and suddenly that was enough for me.

I opened my eyes again to find him looking at me.

"Will you remember me?" he asked with that deep, soothing voice of his. "Will you remember yourself?" he added as I didn't answer immediately. I nodded as a response. I didn't dare to speak, didn't dare to say 'yes' when I didn't even know why I was here with him in the first place. What if I would forget? What if would forget about him, his soft smile, his dimples, his deep, dark eyes, and the warmth of his hands on my skin?

It seemed he knew what I was thinking as he was closing his eyes for a moment. I saw a tear running down his cheek and I didn't understand. I wanted to wipe it away, but before my hand could reach his face he captured my hands with his own. He brought my hands to his mouth and kissed the knuckles of my fingers. Warmth filled my body once again and I wanted to stay with him forever.

The sun was now above us, bright and warm. I closed my eyes for a moment to enjoy the moment, but as I opened them again Namjoon was gone.

I didn't look around, didn't search for him. I couldn't, and there was no point in doing so either. I just looked up to the sun, smiling as I remembered Namjoon had been smiling.

Was he real? Would I forget about him? Would I forget about myself? Probably, but that was okay.

I looked down at the forearm of my left hand as I suddenly felt as stinging pain. For a second I was shocked to find Namjoon's name carved into my skin. It looked like it had been engraved into my skin with a blade, in order to never let me forget. It was bleeding, heavily.

I smiled. I wouldn't forget about Namjoon.