You and I » Lip Gallagher [1] {EDITING}

»part 22 » land of broken mirrors

My nerves were eating me from the inside out as my addict sat back and watched with the smuggest of grins on her pale face. After walking on cloud nine with Lip last night, I was reminded by my addict of what was waiting for me later on. My addict wouldn't let me forget about the boy whose heart I probably broke.

She laughed at me all night long because she knew I was afraid. I was sick to stomach. The boy who wanted to give me a better future didn't deserve to be hurt by the girl with a twisted mind. Ty and I were never dating – hell he never even kissed me – but that doesn't excuse the fact that I stood him up. All he wanted was a chance and what did I give him? An unforgettable night with the other boy who made my toes curl with the simplest of touch.

Yeah, I'm an asshole.

When I called him first thing in the morning, it went straight to voicemail. My heart cracked into a million different pieces. Not because I was hurt. It cracked because of the guilt that was seeping through my mind and down to my heart. It was literally eating me alive.

Was I exaggerating? Maybe, but who gives a fuck? At least I have a conscience. That's something my addict has no control over.

After beating myself up for over an hour, he finally texted me asking me to meet him at the park. The park where I bared my soul to him. Perfect. Lip wanted to go with me but because I'm not a total idiot I ordered him to stay far away. Maybe I'm just a demon and not the devil. I haven't reached that ranking yet.

The whole walk there felt like the walk of shame. I felt like I had 'SLUT' tattooed on my forehead. It was like the whole Chicago area knew of my dirty night with Lip. I've never felt guilty for sex. My sex count literally only consisted of two people: Bobby and Lip. That actually marks one and half because Bobby was always dead weight every time we did it. Even though I know I'm not a slut, I can't help but shake the dirty feeling that has been following me around.

I felt my palms sweat as the park finally aligned with my sight. Instantly, I noticed him sitting on a swing staring down at his phone. He was dressed like he just left a recruiting event. His white oxford was unbuttoned at the top and his slacks were hugging him in all the right places. The blonde in his hair looked extra curly and it made my stomach feel queasy. Why did he have to look so beautiful today?

This was it. No turning back now.

You got this, Cash.

I took in a breath before walking over to the boy who didn't deserve my chaos.

His head snapped up from his phone, catching my stare with his silky blue eyes. Gulp.

A small smile prickled at his face as he shoved his phone in his pocket and stood, "Hey." His tone was soft and smooth. It caused a twist in my chest.

I clasped my hands together to prevent the shaking, "Hey." I returned before I sat on the swing next to him.

He sat back down but remained silent.