Magenta Converse (CC BVB Fanfic)

Chapter Six

Tazzy’s Pov

Immediately I stand up, “I’m sorry CC… I shouldn’t have done that.” Before he can say anything I’m gone from the room. “Hey guys I’m gonna try and sleep for a bit!” I yell before locking myself in my room.

I know that CC wants to talk to me about it and I know that we should but right now I can’t. I don’t even know what I’m feeling at the moment. I mean everything is over with CC but at the same time I can’t deny that I feel something for him. Perhaps that part of me that loved him all that time ago never actually went away; she was just hiding. Much like what I’m doing right now.

Lying down on my bed I close my eyes for a moment and let out a shaky breath. The way his lips felt on mine was pure wow. I’d forgotten just how much of a good kisser he was. Damn that drummer for making me admit that…

I don’t know how long I’m lying on my bed but I hear a tentative knock on my door. Three guesses who. “Tazzy, can I come in?” CC asks.

“No.” I reply back.

There’s a sigh on the other side of the door before it opens and he walks in, “We need to talk and this time I’m not being nice and backing down.”

“Get out CC, I don’t want you in here. I don’t wanna talk about it either.”

“Too bad, I’m tired of doing this.”

I raise a brow at him as he sits down at the foot of my bed, “Define: This?”

“That’s exactly what I want to talk about.” He shoots back.

I roll my eyes and settle myself against the headboard, this is gonna be a while. “What is there to really talk about?”

CC gives me a ‘Are you fucking serious?’ look, “You can deny we kissed all you want but it did happen, you’re not hallucinating.”

“I kind of wish I was…” I mumble.

“Why!” He suddenly yells.

I jump away and I’m on my feet in a second. My hand grasps the clock on my bedside table and I rip the dead appliance from the wall and hold it over my head as a weapon. Sure, CC is a nice guy and all but his outburst now put me on edge. For all I know he could’ve turned into a crazy maniac over the years and could attempt to kill me. Wait… damn it I’m going fucking spazzy!

CC looks up at me with a guilty look, “Tazzy, I’m sorry. I seriously didn’t mean to yell like that I’m just… I’m frustrated dammit!”

“News flash you’re not the only one.” I say as I plug the clock back in. Of course it’s still dead but I don’t want to have to reach down there later when the power comes back on.

“This is why we need to talk! I mean I still have feelings for you and it’s obvious that you still have-.”

“Look, just because I was in a vulnerable state and happened to have kissed you doesn’t mean I’m still in love with you-.”

“You’re in denial-.”

“I’m not! It means that I was just in a weakened state and that you were just there at the right ti-.”

“Come on Tazzy stop lying!”

“Will you stop fucking interrupting me!”

“You started it first!”

“Well you’re the one that just-just left me with pretty much no warning!” I’m screaming at the top of my lungs now but calm down, “I mean CC, you fucking broke my heart! How can I trust that you won’t do it again?” My voice breaks at the end. I sit down on the bed and place my face into my hands. This is just a fucking shit storm.

“Tazzy…” He gently takes my hands into his, “You don’t know that. Just like I don’t know if you’ll ever give me a second chance… but if you ever did; I’d never fuck that up. I’d treat you like the queen you are. I’d always tell you you’re beautiful on your worst days, I’d do everything in my power to make sure that you’d go to bed knowing I loved you and you’d wake up to the exact same thing, I’d spend every fucking day attempting to prove that a guy like me can deserve a wonderful girl like you. Tazzy Elizabeth Jones I fucking love you and that never changed.” He looks at me straight in the eyes, “It never will…” He says gently.

I bit my lip and look away from him. What can I say after that? I feel like I’ve been put in a corner and I’m left with either giving in or gnawing my own arm off to get away. I’m feeling suffocated and I don’t like it, not one bit. I know that he’s trying his damnedest to make the past up to me but I just… him leaving me all those years ago really left me pretty fucked up and damaged. I thought I was better but… apparently not.

“CC… I… I just-I need… Fuck!” I stand up abruptly and turn my back to him so I can’t see his fucking adorable face, “I just need to be alone. I can’t-I need time to- to sort everything out. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and I don’t need you around me to distract my thinking process. So please… just go…” I’m on the verge of crying yet again.

God I’m pathetic…

“Okay, I just needed to tell you. Please, please try to make up your mind soon. I can’t keep doing this ‘she likes me, no she hates me’ thing. I really do love you and I always will.” He then leaves and shuts the door behind him.

As soon as I’m alone I just break…

And cry…

…Like a fucking three year old.

I cried and cried and cried. I stopped for all of an hour and then I cried again. All in all: PITY PARTY ENGAGED.

Finally though I’d managed to cry myself out and now I was lying on my floor staring at the ceiling. I know I need to make a decision because CC is right. This whole “love you-hate you” thing was seriously draining. Still. Did I want to give him a chance? Did I want to open myself to potential heartbreak yet again? Should I even attempt to deal with how much work this relationship would undoubtedly be?

I sigh and sit up. Rubbing my dry, itchy eyes I know my decision

I…