Letters To A Gay Ex Boyfriend // Tyler Joseph

letter 19

trigger warning mentions of rape

you never asked about uncle ray, but i always felt comfortable telling you. well, as comfortable as a person can be talking about their sexually abusive uncle. but i never told you what needed to be said, and because of that, i never told anyone. ty you're the only one who know about ray and the shit he does to me every night. it was 17 months back in middle school, a couple weeks in freshman year, and now he's living with us. for good, apparently aunt sharon got tired of his bullshit. good for aunt sharon.

i've never put what needed to be said into words. But here goes nothing. when uncle ray comes into my room, no one else exists. the wind doesn't exist. smooth doesn't feel right,and never is in the right place. cold doesn't exist. music doesn't exist. you don't exist. i'm deprived of and deprive myself of all these things because hell is unkind. and when uncle ray comes in, that's hell. my lungs cease to work, the bedsprings creak like an alarm that only i can hear. i would give anything to burn away every strand of hair in the room. ray's goddamn cologne makes me nauseous, and the lull of his voice throws me into an endless oblivion. there's no one, tyler. help me, please, he's getting closer, he's touching me, he's telling me things that'll never sound the same again nothing is worth it ty i can't do this please stop this doesn't feel right he's not, jesus.

-Jenna