❝love, Louis.❞ [l.t.]

tenth

cafuné (v.) running your fingers through your lover's hair.

Dearest Maddie,

Guess who's back, back again?

I'm back. Did you miss me? I'm sorry I haven't written in so long. I don't know what's been up with me... Life has pretty much exploded since the last time I wrote to you. Even through all the busy work that has kept my head spinning, I would always come home, sit down, and try to write the night away. It's my stress release; you're my stress release.

My life first exploded when I found out Mark was approached by a company that wanted to turn The Busy Bean into a franchise. Can you believe it? If you were here I know you'd be in as much utter shock as I was, especially to find out that Mark is taking up the idea. I drove over and visited the store the other day - yes, I physically left the house and didn't just end up at the store. Proud of me yet? - and while Mark was excited to see me, he seemed even more excited to tell me about the opening of a second store. Alright, so saying The Busy Bean is turning into a franchise was a bit of a stretch. You know me, when I'm frustrated I exaggerate a bit.

Mark says running two stores takes a lot out of a man. "It's like having twins constantly needing my full attention, without a wife to lend a helping hand," he told me as he shook his head, tossing a cleaning rag down on the counter as he let out a deep breath. I could see the stress built up on his shoulders, practically cracking his skin and seeping into his blood at this point. He had bags under his eyes like no one's business. He's tired, rundown, and slowly losing it. He reminded me so much of myself in that moment, my heart jerked as tears of self pity wound up in my eyes. And when he looked up at me with those sad, muddy puddles in his skull, I couldn't help but predict what he was going to ask.

I wanted to say no. I wanted to throw my hands up, step away, and shake my head until I gave myself whiplash. No way was I wanting to help him. I haven't done anything in months, let alone think about jumping into something so major. I know what you would have done Mads. Cross your arms, shift your weight from one foot to the other, and stare at me with the expression that explained all the thoughts you had. I can see it now, you reading this and scrunching up your lips into a straight line. All I would want to do is kiss you to the point you couldn't help but smile instead. And of course, you would say "C'mon bubs, he's one of your best friends. He helped you during your time of stress, why can't you find it in your heart to help him?" and come wrap your arms around me, getting me to my melting point where I forget why I would say no in the first place. And, of course, I said yes. So you are now reading the words of a co-manager of your favourite coffee shop. Absolutely fantastic, yeah?

So now instead of leaving my seclusion to go to the store once a week, I'll be dropping by the store for an hour or two each week. Mark said he'd work me up days and hours, starting at a level I'm comfortable with. He knows I'm still getting used to the whole interacting-with-society-again thing. My knees still shake whenever I lock the front door on the way to the car. My hands still get sweaty when I grip the wheel as I drive. My chest still locks up and I wish for nothing but you to be here to whisper in my ear subtly to remember to breathe.

Why aren't you here, Mads? You missing from my life is the reason I hate to wake up in the morning, alone in this dark house with no one to hold or have steal the blankets from me in the middle of the night. The reason I hate eating my torched toast in the morning staring out at the garden flowers aligned in those perfect rows only you know how to create. The reason I hate going to the market to have people stare at me as I read the back of a box of crackers, alone, with one hand on my sparse, empty cart.

Why can't you be here to help me? You always manage to pull me from the horrid depths of my own darkness. The word of the day, cafuné, is exactly what I need. I melted into serenity whenever you would run your fingers through my hair. You know I fall asleep practically instantly, especially when you add your finger dragging across my forehead and down my nose in that cross form you used to do. That's what I miss the most right now. That's what I need.

I need you, Madeline. Come save me from myself.

Please.

love, Louis  

 WELL LONG TIME NO WRITE, AM I RIGHT?

Hello everybody! Yes, I am alive and still writing this story. Shocking, huh? 

My first year of college has mainly been the reason I haven't been updating and writing as much as I wish I could. But the other day I managed to sit down and FINALLY write this one for you guys! 

I wonder if any of you guys actually read this still, anyway. Any of my readers still here? I really appreciate it if you are. I love you guys, sorry for the wait. Enjoy. x