I looked around and was about to open the door when Joshua walked in.
"Joshua!" I said, but I remembered he couldn't see me or hear me. He looked pale and his eyes were puffy. He must've been crying hard. He wore black clothes and held a paper in his hand. The paper I gave to my lawyer. It was part of my will. Could I really be dead? Was this it? I watched him walk past me and take the jewelry box from the top of my vanity. He set it down on the bed and didn't hesitate to open the drawer on the side of my bed. He took my box out and opened it to find the key. He looked nervous as he held the key. He opened the box and put the key in the hole. It clicked and the compartment had lifted up to show the pictures, handwritten notes and small objects that were associated with my past. He took pictures out one by one and looked at them intently. His tears were visible and he began to cry. My heart felt like it was being stabbed a billion times.
"I'm sorry I left so soon, Joshua. I know your father left us first. I didn't mean to leave soon after." I whispered. I walked slowly to him and sat by his side. I felt his sadness more and more with every step I took. I got on my knees and wanted to caress his soft cheeks. I put my hand to his cheek and I felt him. I could touch him. I saw his expression loosen up and he looked at me. I swear I could see him notice. He looked around and closed the box.
Just then, a light had caught my attention. It was behind me and I turned my head to see a door. This door was glowing and so bright, that I had to squint my eyes to just see the outline. I turned to see Joshua, but he was gone. That was the last time I would see my son. It was time to move on from this life. I miss my dear children and I wish I could stay, but I knew God was calling me. I was never the religious type when I was young but after I met Joshua and his family, I welcomed the idea of religion and ever since then, I believed. I stood up from my knees and slowly walked to the door. It was so beautiful. More beautiful than anything I've ever seen in my entire existence on earth.
When I was close enough to the door, I reached out to open it. When I turned the knob, I walked into a field of sunflowers and tallgrass. I was barefoot and could feel the rich soil beneath my feet. I was now wearing a white sundress. I haven't worn a dress like this in forever. The sun felt so warm and a cool breeze was blowing through my hair. Was this heaven? Is this what paradise was? I walked towards the small forest ahead but remembered. I didn't want to leave my babies behind. I turned around to see them, but the door disappeared. This was it. All the memories I had with my children filled my brain and I felt proud to have such strong, amazing, beautiful children. I was confident that they'll be ok. I raised them well and I'll be watching them from above. I turned around and I went for the forest. I looked up at the blue sky and saw the fluffy, white clouds above me. I smiled and felt so light. Light as a feather. I reached the trees and there was beautiful sunlight going through small spaces between the tree branches. My head was so free and my spirit was lifted. Only if Mark were here... Mark? Where was Mark? Wait... If I'm dead, then... Where's Joshua? I began to look around me, but I was alone. What happened to the sayings that when you die, the people you love will pick you up to take you to heaven? I was alone and no one came for me. Would I go by myself? The thought terrified me. I don't know why but it did. As I walked, I found a small pond and sat next to it. The water was so clear and I could see everything at the bottom. I stared at my reflection and saw my youth return. It's been ages since I saw myself look so... beautiful. I look back down and I saw someone else behind me. A very, very familiar face. Mark?! I get up and turn behind me to find someone else behind me. Joshua. My heart fluttered. My breathing was hitched. I looked back down and Mark was still there. He was standing exactly where Joshua was. I looked back up, down and Joshua was standing there. He was actually there.
My heart beat fast and I saw him smile.
"It's been a while, love."
His voice. I haven't heard that voice in forever. The smooth, silky, sweet voice that used to sing to me at night. I was frozen.
"Don't be scared. It's me. I've been waiting for a long time to see you. And now you're here. With me." He spoke. I couldn't say anything. I looked down in the water and Mark was still there, but he was exactly where Joshua was. He was wearing exactly what Joshua was wearing as well. I was flooded by confusion. I spoke, but it was barely a whisper.
"Mark..." I softly said, barely using my vocal chords. Joshua smiled.
"After I passed away, I immediately asked God a big favor. He knew how much I loved you. I loved you 'til after my passing and I saw you always there for me even if I was never coming back. He knew that our love was immense. And he granted me a wish. And I wished to come back to see you. That's where Mark comes in. My guardian angel is Mark. And Mark loved me as well, and let me stay in his body. He sacrificed his body and God gave him a new body. It happened immediately after I passed away. It was almost a matter of seconds actually," Joshua explained. My eyes were fixed on him. He was real. He was in front of me. I was actually talking to Joshua.
"I... I missed you, Joshua." I managed to say, before I ran to his arms. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt the same comfort that I longed for. It felt like an eternity. So Mark was Joshua and Joshua was Mark. "Did you know, when you were leaving the hospital the day I died, I saw you leave and you made eye contact with me and left. Ever since then, I've been trying to go to you." He explained. The vibrations of his voice echoed in his chest.
"I missed you so much. I felt so horrible for finding someone else I loved as much as you," I said. Joshua smiled and caressed my cheeks. "The thing is love, I was there with you the whole time." He chuckled. I smiled and hugged him tighter than ever. He let go and held my hand, leading me out of the forest. There was no word to describe what I felt. It was pure bliss and ecstasy. A complete euphoria. He walked to the open field to find a bright light not so far from us.
"Are you ready, my angel?" Joshua said, turning to face me. I smiled and nodded. He pulled me into a long hug and we made our way to this bright light. We were descending into the afterlife together. I guess the sayings were true. First loves are always going to be the only true ones.
First love is forever.
