A group of people related to one another by blood or marriage
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Some would describe it as the most important thing in life.
Others would describe it as the reason for why they hate living.
And the latter was my definition.
As a child, I'd hear the screams of my mother and father through the paper thin walls, while I was just simply playing with my dolls.
Do they not realize the fear and sadness coursing through us when me, my brother and sister are screeching at them to stop?
And they just keep at it to the point where they are resorting to physical violence.
Are the cries of your own children not enough for you to resist fighting? Then what is it?
It's obviously not other children, or even adults at the house cause y'all still fuckin' during Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and from what I recall, EVERY single birthday party I ever had.
YOU TWO were there, ruining everything.
You're supposed to protect us, and yet you send us to a place where others will insult, ostracize push down, and harm us.
You send us to a place that EVERY DAY is fantasize for a school shooter to take me away or bleed eternally from a car crash.
When I come home not only do I have not have to put up with piling quantities of homework, mental and physical scars and stress; I have to witness my parents furiously hating each other while listening to my siblings cry for their share of suffering.
I can't even play video games to drown out how loud you all are.
And that's just me;
An average kid.
I don't even want to go into domestic violence or sexual abuse today, even though I know there are those of you out there who have been completely bedridden and traumatized by the VERY people who are supposed to take care of you.
Things like this almost make me want to become a horrible person. Out of rage to show all of you shitty families a lesson in what happens when you FUCK up someone this much. Which, by the way, is presented in most, if not all crimes. So, it's almost like families are the direct reason, along with mental disorders, as to why murders, and rapists exist.
It starts with abuse, and ends with destruction of lives.
My brother used to hit me REALLY hard.
I'd do something that annoyed him and he assiduously slammed my back with his knuckles and because he has aspergers he couldn't control himself, so he'd repeatedly beat me down with every fiber of strength, and after 10 minutes of a four year old howling for her life my eldest sister finally came in and took me out.
Never was he punished for hitting me, since my parents were too busily shoveling insults and cuss words at each other.
In turn, he never knew discipline and always used to hit me.
And I am now remembering how much it used to hurt.
And realistically speaking, it's probably why I have scoliosis now.
Not only did I grow up with a PHYSICALLY brutal family; I grew up with a physiologically and emotionally tearing one.
I had a few girl cousins who told me I was ugly and that I'd never get a boyfriend.
I had a few guy cousins who told me I was fat and weak despite me being way older than them I have uncles, aunts , in-laws, and a dad that all currently tell me
"Go to college!"
"Get a real job!"
"Fix your life!"
"Take care of your mom!"
"You can do better than this!"
And, to this day they'll still say the exact same fucking things to me; not caring even slightly tat I am trying to make a life for myself and everyone I care about with a low paying job I could get because at home I was too busy dealing with you instead of working on school.
I just want to show them all.
That they're fuckin' stupid for saying those things to me.;
Demoralizing and shaming who I am.
I don't want, or even NEED to go to college for anything in life that I am interested in, you dumbass.
I'm not going to get a job, when the only god damn openings are at McDonald's.
Which, by the way, I fuckin' applied before and they didn't even hire me.
I don't want to waste my life with with any bullshit you tell me, because I'm trying to make one for myself way better than any of yours, so SHUT THE FUCK UP and let me do it.
And that brings me to my dad. Compared to a lot of others, he's okay. He doesn't physically abuse us or anything but what he does do is not give a single FUCK about me, my older sister, or my older brother.
He seemed to only care about the kids who are going through school, which is my sister currently everyone else can apparently fuck off.
He even disowned my older sister, by the way.
And that's not even the worst part.
He is an absolute piece of fucking shit to my mom.
Any time my mom walks around the house, he has something really shitty to say to her.
"You're looking pretty fat."
"You're looking really old."
"You've gotten way uglier."
"I'm the one who pays for this house. You don't deserve it. Stop walking around go back to your room."
"Stop talking, you're an idiot."
"You're stupid, go to sleep, stupid."
Are you FUCKING kidding me?
You god damn idiot.
And now, that brings me to my mom.
Despite someone who hoards, and falls for scams, and falls into massive debt and other pretty petty flaws, she is, to me, one of THE greatest human beings I have the pleasure of being the child of. She has taken care of virtually every single problem I inquire throughout my childhood and teenage years. She's so sweet and kind when her day is going well and, unfortunately, that amount has been severely lessened by my father.
My only wish is to be able to make her really happy over and over, every day as much as I can, because that's exactly what she did for me.
Not only that but both of my sisters too and my older brother sometimes nowadays and my niece and my nephew whom I adore and the other close relatives I have that I love.
They're the ones who balance the scale of happiness for me and I'm sorry for any of you who don't have that.
You have me in case you don't have anyone else.
Thank you all for being here for me, and you can be certain I'll be there for you, trying my very best to help you.
I promise.
