Heaven's Rejects

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Thoughts harass my mind. I feel trapped and cold. Here I sit in a school bathroom stall weeping for my brokenness. Why do I feel so alone? I've always have adored solitude. That is until now...When it's not a choice. Part of me wants to swallow a full bottles and just die peacefully. However I won't miss all those stupid family dinners, where everyone pretends their life is great. When really Dad is screwing someone other than mom and Mom is fine with as long as she doesn't have too.

There I was sobbing in a stupid graffitied stall, my thoughts betraying me. All I wanted was to run home and read a book to chase my thoughts away. What I've learned is loving people makes life so much harder. People leave after you've given them half your heart, so there you are left mourning the piece you gave away. Wondering what you did wrong, why they hurt you. All you wanted was half of their heart exchanged for yours. Love is Destructive.

"He touched my face lightly, I felt peace in his arms. I felt loved and genuinely cared for. He smelled of pine, like taking a beautiful walk in the woods on a warm day. The way he made my heart melt, I could live on his lips forever. Every Time he's not next to me I feel lost. His love was my opium, his toothy smile made me breathless. His eyes a beautiful icy blue that captivated me always. His soft lips felt like fresh air to mine. "You're so beautiful Violet, I could never leave you. I love you" his warm deep voice spoke. I gave him a small smile and pressed my lips to his gently. With one finger he pushed back a strand on my hair behind my ear. I caressed his face with my hand and closed my eyes gently. This man had my heart.

I walked alone in the dark street, rain poured over my black hoodie. I tried to remember what not feeling alone felt like. At least I know no one can hurt me being covered in solitude. I continue my walk into oblivion. Until I felt lost in my thoughts, until I couldn't remember where I was going.

I began to walk back unwilling to betray my curfew. I was cold and wet and filled with a dangerous amount of melancholy. I could hear my Converse slapping on the sidewalk. Out of nowhere I was eager to run, and that's exactly what I did. I ran, I ran hard closing my eyes and letting the wind run through my hair. I felt burning in my soul and lungs. I screamed out loud and beat my hands against a brick wall. My emotions boiled, I had finally snapped. I threw myself on the pavement and let out another loud yell. I could feel a shard of glass in my thigh but I didn't care, I was angry, and I wasn't okay. No one cared if she died, not even herself. Society is selfish, We are all bullies. We could all help each other but what's the point. All I wanted was to flick everyone in the world the bird. I shuffle through my thoughts and punch and throw myself against the brick wall. I'm done trying to find place in this piece of shit world.

I ran back home in a knick of time. I was covered in both dried and wet blood. I snuck into the upstairs bathroom and peeled of my wet clothes and turned on the faucet. I crawled in, the water was crimson from my bloody body.