have you ever felt like giving up?
well i know i most of the time now think abou it frequently.. i wish my mom would let me go but my she keeps saying that theres a chance. its been a month since ive been diagnosed, a month of torture, and a month of sometimes trying to comit sucide..
you would think that, yeah she'll get better but no. im not getting better im getting worse and now i want to quit, and i want it to end! i havent smiled in a month and no one has heard the laugh of the girl that couldnt hold her laugh every two minutes. my mom gives me the pity looks i hate and i pretty muched banned my friends and any other family except my mother. i feel alone and a waste a space, i hate the pain i get i get in my stomach, the way my once low waist length hiar is now under shoulder length. they cut my hair everytime it starts to fall, shorter verytime and everyday i look less like my self.
why me? i had the perfect life so far. sure i had no father casue the asshole left when i was 4 months and no siblings but i had my mother and she made up for all those empty slots.i had friends, i wasnt in popular group but i everyone knew me because i had no problems with no one, and when i did i made them explain. for those who are asking, no im not preppy and i hate the color pink, i have some pink clothes but that doesnt mean i like it. i wore skinny jeans, any cute shirt and my leather jacket and favorite jordons, this was me.
Strangely I have a bug in my brain, I don't remember anything from 8 and under, my mother said I hit my head falling hard on a sidewalks cement but she never looked straight at me when telling the story but I guess she was right. since I have a spilt lip, I have a long cut in the middle of my lower lip and It never went away.
I have a a lot of things on my body that are wierd tho, I never told my mother of how my eyes seem to glow at night and when I get eyes flicker red. I once had a fight at school and I was so angry that when I went to grab the girl by the collar my hands had my my veins bursting out. as if they were going to burst out any minute, but the girl didn't notice this. she noticed my eyes change from their green and gold to flaming red and screamed. when she told people they said she was crazy or just to deal with the fact that she lost the fight and to stop making excuses. So far that's all I know that's happens..
now after a month i have grown to get along with my nurse silvia, she was the nicest person i have ever known. she made the cheesiest jokes and made the wierdest faces.she had long golden hair and hazel eyes but she was small and i found that adorable about her, she was so pettie looking that i gushed when i saw her. Shes the one that convinced me to take a selfie with her and my shorter hair. when i saw the picture, i saw my dry skin and pale face, but i also saw my tired eyes and wanted to delete it but silvia stopped me.
saying " ignore the negative features and focus on our sexy stupid faces. she was right, when i looked at the picture again, i couldnt stop laughing.
when im not with silvia, its like i went back to the pain and lost the control to laugh, i jst laid there, still and quiet.
"MY LIFE SUCKS AND I BLAME SILVIA FOR NOT MAKING MAC AND CHEESE!" i screamed out laughing
"hush girl! your gonna get me in trouble for even bringing mac and cheese!, remember the doctor said that for recovery you need healthy food!" she was trying to be serious but the face came out all wrong!
"its not like ill even get better, so watch the point?" i knew in the back of my mind that It was worthless to have the feeling of surviving.
"ELIANA WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SPEAKING LIKE THAT! NOW I HAVE TO GO GET SOMEONE BUT WHEN I COME BACK I WANT TO SEE YOU LAUGHING AND BE READY FOR THOSE SELFIES!" she screamed on her way out "I MAKE NO PROMISES!" i then lowered my head and went on my phone to play some flappy birds before she came back. i then heard some foot steps getting closer to my room and stop at my door
"silvia im not gonna smile but can you help me with them dam flappy birds!"
"sure but im not silvia" a low husky voice said to me and when i looked up i could only stare at these beautiful golden amber eyes staring straight to mine
"im her son and i belive that you are a keeper"
"you could think that for the time i have left" i said to him with a slight smile
YOU ARE READING
The time i had left..
Lupi mannariHi. my name is Eliana Sol Victorina, I am 17 years old and I had a life change.. I was detected with stomach cancer, my father left when I was 4 months and I only have my mother. My doctor has told me that I have advanced cancer and that treatment I...
