Starbird

Chapter 29

I sat in my corner for probably ten minutes without anyone really noticing me. I suppose it was the perks of sitting in a corner, tucked away. Perhaps I could believe that they were all ignoring me, but they were setting up for a scene, so I didn’t exactly expect them to see the awkward girl against the wall, ducking behind her camera.

Everyone moved about with purpose, getting their jobs done, and it was a semi-comforting thought to know I was out of their way. The actors got in their positions – it was apparently some sort of party scene, as all the extras came in wearing dresses and tuxes – and everyone else went to their station, either manning the cameras or sound booms. James and Gemma were situated at what looked to be a poker table, Carson was looking particularly moody as he leaned against the bar (that James was sure to explain to me held nothing more than apple juice and dyed water), and Ava and Liam were out of the shot, holding guns and ready to rush on.

I felt like I looked stalker-ish, sitting in my corner with my camera leveled to my eye, so I decided to switch from my camera to my sketchbook. Slowly and quietly, I put my camera in my bag and retrieved my sketchbook and pen. Remembering my iPod was buried somewhere in the depths of my bag, I reached in, trying to scavenge it. As I pulled the iPod out, my sketchbook and pen slid off my lap and with a loud smack sort of noise, they hit the ground. The surrounding crew and actors whipped around, finding the source of the noise and, reluctantly, that source was me.

As if I couldn’t get more awkward, I now had everyone looking at me.

I looked weird, mid-position of grabbing my iPod and trying to catch my things from falling and I could feel my face heating up as I felt dozens of eyes on me. Stop looking at me, I beg of you. James was biting back a laugh, trying not to add on to my humiliation, but that didn’t help when I made eye contact with the one person I didn’t want to.

Liam stared straight at me and if my face wasn’t red before, it was certainly about to match the color of a tomato any second. His expression was impossible to read, some sort of mix between looking happy to see me and terrified of what might happen next. While everyone else sort of shook their heads and turned back to their original work, he still stared at me. I couldn’t tear my eyes off him either. Maybe I was hoping he would come over and explain the kiss if I looked at him long enough or at least tell me it was a mistake. I feel like I could live with heartbreak much better than uncertainty. 

“Alright, A marker, everyone in position,” the director called and Liam turned back to the set

Well. There goes what ever confession I was hoping for.

Sighing, I got off my chair to pick up the fallen items and settled back down, this time making sure nothing fell off my lap. I tapped my pen against the sketchbook, thinking of what to draw and I found myself in a rut. Every possible creative thing I could have etched onto my paper seemed to vanish from my brain. My eyes wandered up to see Liam charging onto the stage, gun held outright, and for a moment I considered drawing him in all his glory. Could I even capture the essence of Liam Hawthorne? I doubted it. Besides, he went through my work all the time and the last thing I needed him seeing was a full out portrait of himself. Talk about creeper.

I shook my head of the thoughts and started aimlessly doodling. It started off a basic tree, thick, dark strokes making the trunk and long, winding branches stretching across my paper. But slowly I began to notice that the branches were turning into shapes as I wound my fingers tighter around my pen, inking my paper with objects caught in the branches. A random book, a cage, a person all tethered to the branches. It was very possibly the strangest drawing I’ve ever done, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to stop drawing the weirdness. It was like I was letting out all the weirdness that was going on in my own life by putting it on paper.