Starbird

Chapter 42

A couple hours later, I found myself on the terrace, shoes dangling from my fingertips. I couldn’t spend another minute wearing those shoes and I realized that I’ve never worn heels longer than an hour or two. By this point, it was going on three and my feet were blistering and red. The wet cement was a relief to my feet as I stepped out into the night. The sky was mainly clear, with the exception of a few random tufts of clouds. The air was still cold after all the rain and the entire city glimmered from street lights reflecting off the damp streets. It was all very pretty and very relaxing. Even the cold air felt good against my bare skin, after being rubbed against expensive suits and wedging between people to escape them. I breathed in the fresh cold air and placed my elbows on the stone railing, leaning my weight forward. Could I just stay out here for the rest of the night? Would that be okay? Sighing, I hung my head. I knew I was mainly out here to avoid Liam. I could handle the majority of people, sure. All I had to do was plaster a smile across my face and pretended I cared.

But that wasn’t the case with Liam anymore. No more pretending. No more beating around the bush. I had to tell him sooner or later that this whole thing sucked, but I wasn’t about to go diving back into the ballroom to hunt him down and confess my feelings. I needed a moment to gather my thoughts and figure out what I was going to say to him. I was a mess with speaking my feelings and the last thing I wanted was to just spew out every thought that had formulated within the past six months.

“You know, you’re going to catch pneumonia out here.” A familiar British voice spoke from behind me and I nearly snorted at the irony. I may have not gone searching for him, yet here he was.

“You can’t catch pneumonia simply from being out in the cold,” I retorted.

“Alright, but why are you out here? Party’s inside.” His shoulders brushed against mine as he came up beside me and I shivered, however I don’t believe it was from the cold.

“I like the cold. Too much hot air circulating inside. You know, with all the celebrities and all.”

“Ooh, clever. Truly. But not all celebrities have a hot head.” I really tried not to snort too loudly, but that didn’t happen. “Wow, you’re lack of faith in a down-to-earth celebrity is upsetting.” I raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe when they’re alone, but once you get them all in a room together all you hear is, ‘Oh my gosh I’m working with this director!’ or ‘I just started my new single.’ or ‘I’m traveling to Singapore to buy my new summer home.’ And frankly, I can’t exactly participate in those conversations,” I said, still not looking at him. How I had managed to keep this up for the entire night was beyond me.

“I’m sorry if we all scared you away when we started talking about our careers. There’s really nothing else we can talk about.” I shrugged and agreed to what he was saying, however I still didn’t trust myself saying much more. The word vomit sat in the back of my throat and, given the right opportunity, it would come spewing out without a second thought.

“I feel like it’s been a really long time since we last talked,” Liam said quietly. Almost more to himself than me.

“Well, I left back in October. It’s been a few months.”

“No. I mean, we haven’t actually talked. As in a real conversation. I think it was before Italy that we last had a decent conversation.”

“Perhaps. It’s probably because you got so caught up with finishing the movie and I had school.” Yes, I forced the blame on ulterior circumstances. I didn’t care anymore.

“Oh, I don’t think it’s just because I got busy with the film.” He said as he leaned his back against the railing and I could see him from the corner of my eye staring at me. I pressed my lips together and braved a look at him.