Ethan Imagines | Crankgameplays

You're... back?

Continuation of You're... leaving?

It had been 5 months since he left. 5 months since I had been able to hug him and ruffle his blue hair. 5 months of horrible separation that, at times, didn't seem to bother him.

He always made sure to call and tell me he loved me. He always made sure to text me goodnight. He was always the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last at night. But it wasn't enough.

  I missed him so much and it hurt that I couldn't actually feel him. It hurt not being able to touch his bright blue strands or feel his strong arms around me.

  It hurt to watch his videos and see him slightly changing in front of me. Everything just hurt so much. But I had to keep it together. For him. 

  I sit at home after another long day at work and click on his video for the day. It was named "I'm Sorry."

  "Um... hey guys. I just wanted to make a video that was kind of updating you on things. And I'm sorry that I missed yesterday's video. I wish I could say we're working on another big project but I can't. Things have been getting really hard for me the past few weeks. I try to be as open with you guys as I can and if I'm brutally honest, I'm in a really bad spot at the moment."

  He stops for a second and I can see him holding back tears. What the hell happen? I thought he was happy. I thought of myself.

  "I left somethings back home and it's been eating at me so fucking much. It really hurts because I did it to myself. They probably hate me even though they said they were OK with it. And I was an asshole who took in for granted."

  I take in a sharp breath as I realize he's talking about me. He never said anything to me about being so upset  so what brought him to make a video about it instead of talking to me?

  "This is just an update. I'm not going anywhere for long but I'm taking a small break for my own heath and such. I'm really sorry and I hope you guys understand..." He trails off and I see a tear fall onto his cheek. There's a cut in the video and his eyes look redder than before but fresh tears are no longer falling.

  "I need time to figure things out. I need time..." Ethan trails off and hiccups slightly. "I need time to be happy. And to get things off of my chest to some people I really care about."

  His eyes pierce their way through the screen and I feel tears of my own form in my eyes.

  "I need to take care of my life before going on because I can't lie to you all anymore. This is a community I built to be a place of happiness. A place for you guys, and myself, to be able to connect with people and just escape from everything for a little bit. And... and I can't keep it up when I'm like this."

  He smiles sadly before continuing. "I'm sorry and I really hope you all understand. Love you all. See you guys in a little while."

  Tears glisten in his eyes as he waves a slight goodbye and the screen goes to black. I shut my phone off but don't move out of my chair.

  He missed me that much? He never said anything about being in a bad place. He always said he missed me but never enough to take a break from youtube.

  Thoughts race through my head as I feel my legs push my body out of the chair. It felt like I wasn't connected and like I was watching myself.

  This was my fault. He was this upset because of me. I needed to do something. I couldn't sit and watch him do this to himself because I knew if he was bad enough to take a break, he was probably horrible on the inside. Taking a break was the last thing he wanted to do but it had to mean this was bad. I needed to help. Somehow.